20 things I love about my life

1) Jesus and His amazing, unchanging, unfailing love that He so lavishly pours out on me
2) Music (also known as the air I breathe); and the passion and ability God has given me to play
3) My family, which has grown exponentially over the past year
4) Chi Alpha, and the opportunity it has given me to grow as a leader
5) NDSU - my second home and my mission field
6) The laughter my friends bring to my life
7) Books - my one downfall when it comes to buying stuff =]
8) Learning new things
9) My small group
10) Naps - the true mark of a college student =]
11) My church, and the amazing Jesus-loving people there
12) Writing (not college papers though!)
13) Cuddle duds - best invention EVER (especially when you have to walk from T-lot to Sudro every day)
14) My nursing class - I am blessed to have the classmates I do
15) Puppy chow - the ultimate late-night study snack!
16) The never-ending opportunity school has given me to learn to trust God for everything and not let grades define my walk (a.k.a. thank you MJ and Dr. Wright)
17) Friends who will encourage me and hold me accountable - and who refuse to allow me to say "I'm fine" and pretend that everything's okay
18) The internet, for allowing me to stay in contact with friends who live a gazillion miles away
19) SALT 2010 - it's where God forever changed my life. And SALT 2011 - the countdown has begun!
20) All the trials and brokenness I walked through in the last few years - it is through those hard times God has made me who I am today. I can truly say the pain was worth it all.

60 Seconds

This past September I went on a retreat with Chi Alpha, and during one of the services the speaker shared a story that has stuck with me and challenged me over and over.

At one point during his ministry, Bill was a youth minister at a church. During his time at that church, he had a family leave the church in anger and resentment. And after they left, he began to worry about them, and how the kids would respond to their parents' bitterness, and how it would affect the kids in his youth group, and the rest of the church. Finally, he went to his senior pastor and shared his fears and concerns. The senior pastor proceeded to pull out a 60-second egg timer and place it on his desk. Needless to say, Bill was a bit confused as to the purpose of a timer. The senior pastor looked at him and said, "Alright Bill, I'm going to set this timer, and for the next 60 seconds we're going to worry really hard about the family." Bill's confusion didn't diminish any more as the pastor set the timer and watched it count down. When the timer went off, the senior pastor said "Now we're done worrying about them. Let it go." Bill argued a bit as he tried to figure this out, but the pastor just said "No, you've given your time and energy worrying, now you let it go. Your 60 seconds are up."

Bill went on to talk about surrendering everything to the Lord, and not being weighed down with fear or concern, but that simple statement has been forever seared into my soul. Your 60 seconds are up. In fact, I have it written on my dry-erase board in my room as a reminder. Every time I start to worry about something or let fear or doubt or concern take over my life, I see that statement, and I think "Okay, my time for worrying about this is up." And then I let it go. It's so simple, but it's been so powerful. For whatever reason, it has struck a chord within me and when I see that statement it's easy to let the weight be lifted off my shoulders.

So the next time you're overwhelmed or feeling fearful of something, take 60 seconds to worry about it if you need to, and then let it go. Jesus knows what He's doing with your life, and He will take care of you.

Your 60 seconds are up.

My world

I have recently come to the conclusion that, as a nursing student, I live in a cave. At least when it comes to the world outside my campus. I am ridiculously out of the loop when it comes to world news, politics, or even local news for that matter. It's kinda amusing at times, to be honest. I've heard so many people complain about all the political ads and how ready they are for elections to be over, and I could honestly count on one hand the number of ads I've heard. I haven't watched a news broadcast since the beginning of the summer, so to say I've been in a few situations where I've had to say "Wait, what happened?" would be the understatement of the century. And don't even ask me about local events... no clue. Sad? Well, maybe. Perhaps I should be paying a bit more attention to the world... okay, scratch that. I know I should. At least enough to have some sort of idea of what's been going on.

But. Yeah, you knew there was a but coming, didn't you? But I know what's going on in the world God has placed me in. I know what my small group girls are going through. I know what I need to be praying for, and when I should be praying. I've watched breakthroughs happen. I've seen people turn to Jesus. I know when I need to drop to my knees and intercede for someone. I've walked into situations that only God could have orchestrated so perfectly to let His glory be revealed. I'm not perfect; far from it. I still fall; I still miss it; and I still make mistakes. But with the guidance of the Holy Spirit, I am striving to be completely aware of what's going on in my world.

Are you so concerned with what's going on half a world away that you don't even see the broken heart in the person sitting next to you in class? Are you watching the political campaigning with such intensity that you ignore the battle that's being waged over your neighbor's very soul?

I'm not saying we shouldn't be aware of what's going on in the world. But don't get so caught up in the "big" picture that you ignore the details. The next person God brings into your life could be the one to change the world. Be faithful in small things, because souls really aren't small.

You are for me

So faithful
So constant
So loving and so true
So powerful in all You do

You fill me
You see me
You know my every move
You love for me to sing to You

I know that You are for me
I know that You are for me
I know that You will never
Forsake me in my weakness
And I know that You have come now
Even if to write upon my heart
To remind me who You are

So patient
So gracious
So merciful and true
So wonderful in all You do

~Kari Jobe

A different beat

Music is my heartbeat.

Seriously. That statement is not an exaggeration. I live, breathe, eat, and sleep music. I am constantly singing (much to my family's chagrin, at times), and I have friends who tease me about the way my fingers always seem to find a surface to tap on (majorly unbreakable habit after playing piano for so long). At any given moment I will have at least one song running through my head - all day, every day. Give me a piano or let me listen to someone sing and I'm the happiest girl in the world. And now I will go completely music-nerd on you and admit that whenever I hear an orchestra or band playing, I will literally stop in my tracks, turn to the source of the sound, and listen for a while. Even if I'm on my way to class, or walking with a friend. Yes, I'm a dork. =] No, I don't care. Music touches and moves my very soul, and I wouldn't have it any other way.

So. All that to say, because music is such an integral part of who I am, God has used it to get His point across. And tonight it finally worked. I finally listened.

The last few weeks I've really been struggling with comparing myself to others. Mostly in the area of school. The classes I'm taking at the moment are anything but easy, and I'm giving every ounce of effort I can. And yet for as hard as I try, the results have been beyond frustrating and disappointing. But the thing that's been really hard is that last year I watched friends take the same classes and succeed at them. I watched them, listened to them, and sought out their advice as to how to succeed. And up until this point I've felt like a complete failure. Last year I put in the effort and I got the results I needed; this year I've struggled. I know I'm fully capable of doing this, and I'm meant to be here, so what's going on? It's even carried over into leadership in Chi Alpha. I've felt inadequate and like I don't measure up when I look at those around me. Once again, I know I'm called to be here, so what's the problem?

Well, last night answered that question. I was at the altar after church pouring my heart out to God about this when He simply said "Walk to My beat." Four words. Four simple words that hit me like a freight train. "Walk to My beat." It's something He's been trying to tell me even before school started. And though I've most definitely heard Him, for some reason I couldn't follow. Finally last night it sunk in. I'm not supposed to walk in step with anyone else. They can hear the rhythm God has given for their lives. I can't. God made me perfectly able to succeed in whatever I do as long as I follow Him, not anyone else. I've been hearing it over and over again; I've even had friends who've tried to tell me the same thing. But last night for the first time it penetrated me and became my heart's desire. I dropped to my knees and wept as I cried out "Let me hear it! I'm sick of trying to walk in step with those around me. I can't hear their rhythm and I fall anyway. I'm Yours again. Let me hear Your rhythm. Teach me. Teach me how to study, how to lead, how to live. Teach me to walk to Your beat. I want to hear Your rhythm for my life. I want to walk to Your beat, and I don't care if it's not in step with anyone else."

I won't say it's going to be easy from now on. I know it's still a process that God is bringing me through. But this time, I'm actually listening for His rhythm. I'm learning to walk to His beat.

I am not a leader

Actually that's not entirely true, I just can't come up with a better title at the moment. :)

If you had told me a year ago that I would be who I am today, doing the things I'm doing today, I would have done one of two things: 1) laughed at you and told you that you were crazy; or 2) hidden in fear. Or maybe I would have said "Okay, how do I get there?" Yeah, or maybe not. Anyway, the title of this post is pretty contradictory, because I am indeed a leader today. Not by choice. Not because of anything I've done or anything I can do. Simply because God has pulled me up off my lazy rear end and said "Nice try, but you're done following. YOU are the pace-setter. YOU are the leader. YOU are the world-changer. YOU will impact these people for the rest of their lives. Now move." Throughout my entire life, though especially the last year and continuing today, He has prepared and trained me for leadership--beginning in Chi Alpha. He has shown me where I belong; what I do best; and how He wants me to lead. I am a leader, and for the first time, I can say that without feeling inadequate. It's been a struggle; for the longest time, if someone would look to me as a leader, I would be inwardly thinking "No, I'm not. I am so unqualified. Go to (this person) or (that person); they are so much more of a leader than me." And I am still unqualified on my own. Apart from God, I can do nothing. However, with Him working through me, I can do anything He calls me to do. And right now He's called me to lead. He has placed people in my life for me to pour into and encourage and walk with and minister to. And, as Abraham Lincoln once said, "Without the assistance of [God], I cannot succeed. With His help, I cannot fail." I am a leader. I can say with absolute assurance that, by the grace of God, I am a world-changer.

However. I don't want to be known as a leader. And you're asking "Wait--what? You just got done telling me how you are a leader... huh?" Yet it's true. It is so not my heart to be known as a leader. And I don't want to be known as someone who knows a lot of people. I want to be known as a friend. I don't want my status to be defined as "She's a leader in Chi Alpha. And she knows everyone." It drives me absolutely nuts when people constantly comment about how many people I know. Yeah, it's true that I have a lot of friends. I can't walk across campus or even sit and do homework without seeing and talking to at least ten people I know. Hey, what can I say? But I can't stand it when people make a point of saying over and over "Wow, you're so popular," or "You just know everyone." Leadership should not be defined by who you know; it should be defined by who you don't know. By the people you're willing to invest in. I am a leader; but I want to be known as a friend to the friendless.

Most of you have heard me talk about Tiffany and the impact she's had on my life countless times, and I'm going to do it again. When I first met and got to know Tiff, I had no idea she was a leader in Chi Alpha. No clue. Even as we began to spend a lot of time together and she really started investing in my life and getting me involved in Chi Alpha, I had no idea. I knew she was a small group leader. I knew she knew a lot of people. But it wasn't until I began my journey into leadership under and beside her that I began to see just how great a leader she was--and still is. When I first met her, and even through the first few months of knowing her, all I knew was that she was a friend. She cared about me. She would sit by me at church or Chi Alpha so I didn't sit alone. She listened to me as I poured out my heart. She held me when I was falling apart and let me cry on her shoulder. She laughed with me until our sides ached. She was a friend, beyond anything else. And that was what made her a leader.

That is my heart's cry. I want to be a friend above anything. I want to love the person that most people would overlook as being fine and having it all together on their own. Let me tell you, I was that person, and I was a mess until God brought a friend into my life and radically transform me through her obedience.

When my life is done, will it really matter that I had a specific "title" within Chi Alpha--or any group for that matter? Will it really matter that I knew a ton of people and could be little miss social butterfly anywhere I went? No, not really. What counts is the lives I truly touched. When my friends watched me, did they see, and experience, the love of Jesus flowing through me? Jesus said we would be known by our love one for another. Could they see Him in me? Did I choose to be inconvenienced so I could reach a hurting heart? When my story on this side of eternity is finished, will I have loved until my final breath?

What is your culture?

This was the topic of my NURS 250 (Health Promotion) class period for today. To be honest, I have three classes talking about culture right now and I'm so sick of it I feel like I'll scream if I hear another lecture about it. And for the record, I absolutely hate this class at the moment. My instructor is very opinionated, in-your-face, and unbelievably liberal and feminist. The majority of what she says goes directly against everything I believe and have been taught all my life. However, this class is also the one that has made me stop and think the most. It makes me question my motives, and truly dig deep and define the foundation on which I stand. So while it's frustrating to no end at times, I definitely won't say that it's a waste of time.

Anyway, getting back to my original train of thought… the question she kept drumming into our heads was "What is your culture?" It's really interesting how most of my generation has no idea how to answer that. By asking that, are you asking: am I German, Norwegian, Native American, Chinese? Am I a Southerner, in the campus culture, in the medical world? What is culture? My instructor is partly Native American, and she grew up in that culture. She married a man who is Polish and grew up in a very close-nit Polish community. She integrated herself into that culture. But what is my culture? Well, to answer that, first I must know what exactly culture means. For the purpose of this post, I'll use my textbook's definition: "Culture is a dynamic adaptation, a learned way of life that includes interrelated attitudes, morals, beliefs, values, ideals, knowledge, symbols, artifacts, customs, traditions, and norms of a particular group that guide behavior, make life meaningful, and are transmitted intergenerationally." Wow, that's a mouthful. :)

Today in class my instructor asked "If you were in another country and someone asked you what your culture was, how many of you would say first and foremost that you're an American?" And pretty much everyone in the room raised their hand. I didn't. Sure, being American is important to me and to who I am, but it is by no means the first and foremost culture influencing my life.

So what is my culture? I am first and foremost a Christian. To borrow words from some great men and women of God, I am a part of the Jesus Culture. Christianity is who I am. It is the center of my life, and it encompasses every aspect of my life. I didn't grow up as an American first; from the time I first surrendered my life to my Savior, I grew up as a Christian above anything else. And even before that, it was still my family's way of life. The Jesus Culture is the best way I can describe it—so thank you to those who have officially started calling it such. Christianity is a culture. It was the basis for how I was raised. My parents' entire lives centered on bringing glory to their Savior, and instilling in their children what it meant to be part of the Kingdom of God. Yes, I am still an American. I still have many other cultures that have influenced me in many, many ways. But they don't define me. The Jesus Culture is who I am. The Cross is my heritage, and heaven is my future.

When will we truly understand that Christianity is a way of life? Will we ever realize that it's our fault that the world views Christianity as merely a religion instead of a lifestyle? If we would only grab hold of this concept and live in such a way that the whole world takes notice. I am not simply German, English, a nurse, a Midwesterner, a college student, an American. I am a Christian. Jesus defines who I am.

The difference

As I look back at what the last 12 months have wrought in my life, I can hardly believe the change.

One year ago, I was terrified and angry at the thought of going to college. I didn't know what it would bring; I felt the academic pressures like never before; I felt lost and alone; mostly, I didn't want to be there. I was dreading being on campus.

This year, I am so excited to be back in school and on campus that if I think about for too long, my heart starts racing, my hands start shaking, and I've been known to scream in anticipation. I am so, so, SO ready to be back!!!!! And yes, I am shaking as I type this. :)

So what's the difference? Why is this year so drastically different from last year? Is it because I've had a year of experience? Because the academic pressures aren't quite so demanding? Well, I'm sure that helps. Knowing what I'm getting into definitely takes away some anxiety.

But ultimately, none of that even comes close to answering the question. No, there is one, simple explanation for this difference: Love. Love has transformed me from the inside out, and Love is the reason I am where I am today.

A year ago, I was angry at God for calling me to be on campus. I didn't question it, because I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that it was where He had placed me; but I did complain. I harbored bitterness within my soul and allowed it to cloud my view and distort my perception of college. I viewed it as a battlefield, and every battle I faced, I faced with anger. And while I may have been wrong in my attitude, the campus is most definitely still a battlefield. The thing I was forgetting is that Love had already conquered that kingdom. All I was called to do was step in and reign in the Name of Jesus. As a child of the Living God, as a joint-heir with Christ, my purpose is not to destroy everything around me, but to build up the people around me. Jesus said "let your light shine before men," not "set everything and everyone around you on fire and destroy them."

A year ago, I felt like I was abandoning everything I once held dear; my family, my home, my security. I was leaving my friends and the world I had grown up in; I felt alone and afraid. But once again it was my perception and attitude that were distorted. As I came to the place of surrendering everything to the One I serve, He showed me Love exemplified in a way I had never experienced before. I had friends come draw me in and make me part of their family. I truly gained brothers and sisters, whom I love more than words could ever say. I had friends who looked past the hardness and brokenness on the outside to the place where they knew God was working, and God worked through them to mentor me into the person I am today. As for leaving my security, I am glad to say it was the best thing that's ever happened to me. I have been pushed so far out of my comfort zone that I don't think I could find my way back even if I wanted to. And I don't.

And because of the transformation that has taken place on the inside of me, I am overflowing with that Love. All I want to do is pour the Love that has been shown me into the lives of those around me. I'm finally beginning to catch a fleeting glimpse of my Savior's vision for our campus, and I am ready to run with it.

That is what defines this year as so different from last year. Love has been poured out on me, washed through me, and is flowing out of me.

With intentions of finding You

I absolutely love the song "Treasure" by Desperation, and lately some of the lyrics have been hitting me really hard.

I'm seeking Your face
With intentions of finding You

Can you say that of your own life? Do you simply go through the motions of having a quiet time, of praying, of praising and glorifying God in worship? Or do you enter with intentions of finding Him? Do you wander aimlessly, not really caring if you stumble upon some gem of truth, or do you relentlessly pursue the presence of your God and King? You can pray "Lord reveal Yourself to me," and you can sing "Lord I need more of You," but do you truly mean it? Or are you just saying the words, while distractions pull you in every direction but the one you should be focused on?

I don't know about you, but today those words pierced me to the core. So often I find myself content with simply reading my Bible, praying, etc, and then crossing it off my checklist; when in fact I should be saying "Here I am Lord, and I will not leave until You show Yourself to me. I will not relent until I find You."

WARNING: Long update with LOTS of pictures!

Well the last few weeks have certainly been, well, eventful. We had a great 4th of July weekend, coaching baseball Saturday, fireworks Sunday night, and just hanging around and resting. I thoroughly enjoyed my day off, because I then had to put in 40 hours in 4 days at the daycare; not something I would want to make a habit. But hey, it's paying for college, right?

And then there was our camping fiasco. Let me tell you, the Adventures of Camping with the Steeles gets worse each year. And this year Mom and I have decided that it was the grand finale; at least as far as tent-camping goes. My family left Sunday afternoon (July 11th), and I joined them on Tuesday after working Monday and Tuesday. I had to wait out a tornado warning before going down, and at one point had to pull over on the interstate because it was raining so hard I couldn't see. At all. But I made it down around 9 Tuesday night, and enjoyed a nice bonfire.

The sky was perfectly clear, and the stars were gorgeous when we went to bed that night around midnight. Then, around 2 Wednesday morning, the lightening started up. At first it was just heat lightening, which isn't dangerous, but annoying because it lights up the tents to the extent that I couldn't go back to sleep. Finally, around 2:45 I fell asleep for about 15 minutes. Then the next thing I knew my entire bed was moving. Inside the tent! That's how hard the wind was blowing. My mom came to our tent and yelled "Grab the dog and get in the car!" So I had Carl take the dog, I reached for my phone, among other things, and we made our way out of the tent. Just as we got out from under the tarp, Carl yelled "AH! BRANCH FALLING!" And literally two feet in front of him dropped a good five-foot-long tree branch. Yikes! It was absolutely pouring outside, and once I made it to the van, I was so cold I couldn't stop shaking. To pass some time, Mom started telling some stories that kept us rather entertained--especially with her animation!

We had to deal with two rounds of 70MPH winds, hail, and torrential rains. After the first round we went to see the damage to the campsite, and at first we thought one of our tents had completely blown away. It hadn't, and the stuff inside it was okay--still there, at any rate. Then round two hit, and we ran for shelter again. Finally, around 5:30 or so it cleared up enough for us to start hauling stuff out to dry, and packing up what we could. We called a friend who brought their truck so we could just throw all our wet stuff in the bed and haul it home that way.

We could have put out a forest fire with all the water we wrung out from the stuff inside the tents.

See how the top half of the tree is missing?

Here's a better view...

Yeah it should have landed on our tent--actually, on my bed. All I can say is that we serve a God who is mighty to save.

This would be Lisbon...

Or what's left of it.

I daresay it's a dead end.

This was only about 15 miles from where we were camping. Like I said, we have an amazing God.

So after getting through Wednesday on 2 hours of sleep, we decided to take Thursday just to spend time as a family. We went on a good 4-hour picnic and thoroughly enjoyed ourselves.

That would be the dent Carl made in the grill with a baseball.

This last weekend Carl and I headed to the Cities for some fun time together. Little did we know that we were about to encounter yet another adventure! We got to Maple Grove just fine, and then traffic stopped. Literally. Like for 45 minutes we barely moved a mile. Then we got through that, had to take a different route than we had planned on because of construction, and it got worse.
This was our view for an HOUR AND A HALF!

Yeah, we were stuck on 94 for an hour and a half trying because it was closed at 35W. We seriously did not move more than a mile for an hour and a half.

But we did get to see Target Field :)

Word of advice: Do NOT, under ANY circumstances, take 94 or 35W in the heart of the Cities any time soon. BAD life choice.

Though I must admit that skyline is my absolute favorite view of anything in the world.

Enjoying the ride back home.

Okay, so maybe I was a little bored. :)

That kinda sums up the last few weeks of my life. The closer I get to August, the more anxious I get for it to just be here. Most of you know this already, but I was accepted into the nursing program at NDSU, which has been pretty exciting. So I'm gearing up for the next three years of torture--I mean, learning. :P Yeah, that's it; learning. :) No, I'm really excited, and I am so happy that a number of my friends got in too--lots of sweet Christian girls all in the same class.
I don't know what else to say, except that maybe next time I shouldn't wait so long before updating. :) Prayer for wisdom and endurance in the coming weeks would be much appreciated.

On the road again!

This last weekend we traveled to Milwaukee to see my cousin get married. It was really good to be there for her and be a part of the special day, but over 22 hours in the car over a three-day period was rather ridiculous--I am SO tired of traveling.
While we were there we got to go see Lake Michigan, so here are some pretty good pictures from that--if I do say so myself. :)

Summer so far

I guess I don't really know what to say as far as actually updating. School's been out for about a month, and summer is going soo slllloowwly for me. I am so ready for it to be fall it's not even funny. Not necessarily to go back to homework and classes (though to be honest I'm ready for that too), but just to be back on campus and WITH people.
But it has been good to be with my family again. Speaking of which. My brothers totally rocked their music and chess stuff this spring. They did very well at the state chess tournament, and both did amazingly well in their piano competitions. And it was Robbie's first year competing too!
Last week we were in Nashville for a cousin's high school graduation, which made for a really LONG road trip. Especially with road construction. But there was some fun involved too. And yesterday one of my good friends and small group leader got married! So that was really sweet to go to.
Other than that, I've pretty much just been putting in lots of hours at the daycare and hanging out as much as possible. And very impatiently waiting for the end of August to get here.

Cousins!

Mary & Tyler

Go here for more pictures.

It’s not my job

As two station workers enjoyed their lunch break in the sun, the peaceful silence was broken by terrified screams and frantic running. "THE TRAIN'S COMING!" The hysterical twelve-year-old nearly toppled over the workers as he tried to gain action out of them. One of them glanced disinterestedly at him and asked "Yeah, so what?" The boy was confused and frustrated at their lack of response. "SO, THE BRIDGE IS UP! They'll crash into the river if you don't put it down!" The man shrugged. "Not my job." The boy stared at him in disbelief, then turned to the man next to him. "Please help," he begged. "They'll DIE if the bridge isn't put down!" The second man was even less interested. "Go run along, kid. You obviously have no idea how the company works. It's not my job." The boy turned away, then watched in horror and anguish as the train sailed into thin air, then plummeted into the icy waters below.

So tell me, should these workers be fired from their jobs? "What!?" you gasp. "Fired!? They should be arrested and prosecuted to the full extent of the law! They were responsible for hundreds of deaths!" Ah, but remember, dealing with the bridge wasn't part of their job title. "So what?" you stare at me in disbelief. "It doesn't matter what your position says; it's ALWAYS your job to protect others, especially when it comes to working in an area you are very familiar with." Good, so we agree on that.

But what if I looked you in the eyes and said that you were just like those workers? "Excuse me?" you ask incredulously. "I would never endanger someone's life like that; let alone hundreds of them!" But tell me, how many times do you walk by someone without caring that their soul is standing on the precipice of eternity; that they are one small fall (or jump) away from the fiery gates of hell? How often has someone come to me seeking God's love and redemption, and I turned away? How many times have we sent them to the pastor, the counselor, whatever, because "It's not my job."?

The fact of the matter is that it's not the pastor's job to do the work of the ministry (i.e. witness to people, share the gospel, make disciples, etc). It's our job. It is the job of the pastor to prepare us to do so. Jesus calls everyone to make disciples. That's the reason we're here. Because by bringing people to the saving knowledge of Jesus Christ, His glory increases. And bringing glory to God is the sole purpose of every human being. (I should clarify something here. I'm not saying pastors aren't called to share the gospel and make disciples. They have that same calling just like every other believer. My point here is that we are way too quick to shove that job off solely on the shoulders of the pastor, when really it's almost the other way around. They disciple us and train us so we can go out and minister effectively.)

"But," you might protest. "I'm not ready. I don't know what I'm doing when it comes to discipling! What if I mess up?" Let me be perfectly honest: You will never be ready. Ever. Not on your own. But that's how it should be; we can do nothing on our own. We must rely completely on Jesus to work through us. We don't create the results, we are simply asked to be obedient and let Him do the work through us. And the more you do it, the better it'll get, and the more comfortable you'll be. Trust me, your coaches weren't kidding when they said "Practice makes perfect."

We all fall and make mistakes. We're human after all. But do you really think God is going to get tripped up over your little mistakes? I don't know about you, but the God I serve is so infinitely bigger than me and my failures that He can and does work in spite of me. Failing is not a reason to quit. Like it or not, and whether your "title" says so or not, it is your job to shine God's light in the darkness.

Matthew 28:18-20

"Jesus came and spoke to them saying, 'All authority has been given to Me in heaven and earth. Go therefore and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit, teaching them to observe all I have commanded you; and lo, I am with you always, even to the end of the age.'"

How do you know?

When you strip everything else away, life really comes down to this question. Many ignore it; others run in circles around it; still others stand stock still and stare it straight in the eyes. Regardless, every one of us must answer that question for ourselves.

How do you know?

You can pretend it doesn't exist; you can shrug it off and pretend it doesn't matter. But the whispers will follow you. Those questions that drive you to sleepless nights and instill uneasiness within you will surely test you to the very core of your being. With those whispers comes the knowledge, "It does matter." It is the question that distinguishes between those who walk in authority and those who simply want an easy life. If you truly know, you stand on a solid rock. If not, you will be tossed and driven by every wave of the sea. "If the foundations are destroyed, what can the righteous do?"

How do you know?

You can try to argue your way over it. After all, logic trumps everything else, right? Prove your opponent wrong in an intellectual debate and you will have triumphed over the question. Execute such a powerful blow that you stand in complete control.

But how do you know?

All the intellect in the world won't change your heart. My mind tells me it's not logical to step in front of the barrel of a gun; yet my heart refuses to allow me to stand by and watch another die. I can argue that standing up for what I believe is only going to get me in trouble; but deep within me I cannot keep silent while my Lord is mocked. You can argue with a lost soul and try to logic your way into convincing him to turn to Jesus, but until the Holy Spirit convicts their soul, repentance won't be sincere.

So how do you know?

Logic isn't the basis of my life. Faith is. Faith is the basis of every life, whether you are a Christian or an atheist, or anything in between. Whichever side you're on, you could try to logic your way into proving me wrong; that God does or does not exist, that creation is true or false, that Jesus was or was not the Messiah. But when it comes down to it, science can't truly answer that question. Sure, the evidence can (and does) point to one answer over another, but you still accept that answer by faith.

Logic points you to the answer, but faith gives you the certainty. Logic says that for every creation there must be a Creator; faith whispers of the unshakable Hope we have in Him. Science tells us that the earth is young, and that life only arises from life; faith shouts the love of the One who made the birds sing of His glory.

When the storm is raging within me, and the ugly beast is screaming "HOW DO YOU KNOW!?" intellect is not going to answer it. I know because I have seen the hand of God. I know because I have seen His power in those around me. I know because I've seen Him working in the midst of the most trying circumstances. I KNOW, because I have felt His transforming power within the very depths of my soul. No other name can ignite such a response from every living creature. No other name binds the devils with chains that won't let go; no other name brings healing power to all who call upon it; no other name can bring peace in the midst of uncertainty; for there is NO OTHER NAME under heaven given to men by which they can be saved. I know my Jesus is the only way because only Truth can be so resilient as to keep burning even when the seas try to drown it out.

I know because of what He has done in my life. I overcome by the Blood of the Lamb, and the word of my testimony, and that I love not my life even unto death. But think about it; the word of my testimony. Our worst error would be to take up a logical argument against this question. If you succumb to arguing, you've already lost, for it is simply the more eloquent, well-put-together side that will win. You can argue with someone on what position they "should" take, but you can't argue with experience. You can't argue the fact that Jesus Christ delivered someone from drugs when nothing else did. You can't argue against the man whose family was self-destructing before the power of God rescued them. You can't argue the fact that faith in Jesus Christ takes away fear and gives confidence and joy.

So what then? Should we just forget about forming a logical, thought-out defense against the question? Absolutely not! Peter and Paul both remind us to be prepared at all times to give a defense. That intellectual processing not only prepares us to "poke holes" into the arguments of the enemy, but also solidifies what we already know in our souls to be true. It can create questions within the lost and, like a compass, point them in the right direction. It gives us confidence in the stance we take. We just need to remember that it's not the foundation of our lives; God-given faith in Jesus Christ is.

Love is not logical. I don't care what you say or think or how you might try to explain it to me; love is NOT logical. Why should a holy and just and perfect and all-powerful God choose to create us? Why would He send His Son to reconcile us to Himself even while we are still horrifyingly and wretchedly sinful? It doesn't make sense. Sure, the legalities of the sacrifice make sense, but WHY? What would motivate One to pour out His undying love in such a manner, toward such a people?

I don't have the answer to that question; but now I will pose this one: If our great Jehovah loves with an illogical love, why do we try to base our lives on logic instead? It is only when we place our confidence in His amazing, unfailing, yet absurd love and grace, that the rest of life—the rest of His wondrous ways—begin to make sense.

School’s out . . .

. . . I'm sick, and bored out of my mind. =]

Latest you stayed up in the past week?
Umm... 3?

Where are you right now?
My room.

Are you listening to music right now?
Yep. Always.

Today was it a boy or a girl to text you first today?
Didn't get any texts today.

Do you curse in front of your parents?
Never. They'd probably disown me...

What would you do if your best friend told you they were moving?
Cry. Like I will when my friends do move this fall. =[

Where is your mom right now?
No idea.

When was the last time you felt unbearably guilty?

Uh . . . no clue.

Are you bored?
A bit. Kinda why I'm doing this.

The last person you talked to on aim?
Um, on Facebook, Audra.

Can you play guitar hero?
Definitely NOT.

Do you prefer warm or cold weather?
WARM.

What do you currently hear right now?
"Hosanna" by Hillsong

Three days in a hotel or NFL game tickets?
Three days in a hotel, preferably near some form of amusement.

How old do you think you will be when you finally have kids?
20's, I hope.

Would you rather watch football or baseball?
Football if it's my bro playing. Otherwise baseball.

Three things you did today:
Started a C.S. Lewis book.

Wasted way too much time on youtube.
Played piano.

Have you ever fell asleep in someone's arms?
Yesssssss. =]

Does anyone hate you?
Probably.

Do you believe everyone deserves a second chance?
Yes. Anyone can change.

Do you want a small or big wedding?
I'm sure it'll be big. I know too many people. =] j/k

Who was the last girl you talked to?
Um… Lib?

What is your favorite thing to wear?
Jeans.

Last thing you ate?
Don't remember.

Name one thing that scares you.
Failure.

I say Shotgun, you say..?
Turkey

What were you doing at 7:00am?
Sleeping.

Last person you hugged?
Ah… I don't remember… maybe Emily?

Have you ever driven without a license?
Yeah... oops…

The last place you went out to dinner?
Golden Corral.

Do you like your name?
Yeah.

Do you download music?
Yes.

Do you care if your socks are dirty?
YES.

Do you love anyone?
I do.

Whose bed did you sleep in last night?
My own.

Have you ever bungee jumped?
No...

Have you ever gone white-water rafting?
I WISH! Someday…

How is the weather right now?
Don't know; I've been inside all day. It's sunny though.

What are you listening to right now?
"Worthy is the Lamb" by Hillsong

What is your current favorite song?
Too many...
Maybe... at this very second… yeah, I have no idea.

Well "Cannons" by Phil Wickham and "Lead me to the Cross" by Hillsong rank way up there.

What was the last movie you watched?
A Walk To Remember

Do you wear contacts?
Yepperz.

Where was the last place you went besides your house?
Stevens. *Shudder*

What's one thing you've learned this year?
Don't eat polar bear liver; you'll die.

Ever had someone sing to you?
Yes.

Have you ever fired a gun?
Of course!

Are you missing someone?
Quite a few people.

Favorite TV show?
Don't have time for TV.

Who would you like to see right now?
Friends down in the Cities.

Have you ever been caught doing something you weren't suppose to?
Not recently. I'm stealthy! =]

Ever been in a cop car in real life?
Nope.

Has anyone you were really close to passed away recently?
What's recently? Within the past month, no. Three months, yes.

What's something that really bugs you?
People who act like they can play the piano but fail miserably. (Okay, I should clarify. Thursday some friends and I were in the Union studying and someone kept trying to play these songs that I happen to love, but they couldn't play them to save their life. Seriously, just go to a practice room in the Fine Arts Center if you want to play that badly. Don't torture the rest of us.)

Favorite college football team?
Bison!

Ever call a 1-900 phone number?
No...

What's the longest time you've gone without sleep?
oh… I don't know. A LONG time at camp, let me tell you.

Where is the weirdest place you have slept?
On the stage in the church.

What's the closest orange object to you?
"Mere Christianity" book by C.S. Lewis

What school will you graduate from?
NDSU.

What could you not tolerate, someone who snores or a sleep walker?
Sleep walking. Snoring doesn't usually bother me.

Would you ever parachute off of a plane?
O heck yes.

Have you ever ridden an elephant?
No.

What are you saving your money up for right now?
College. =]

Can you read other people's expressions?
Yep. Even when they're trying to hide them.

When was the last time something really bothered you?
My Nutrition final… grrr.

Have you ever stayed in a hotel?
Of course.

How did you feel when you woke up today?
Better than yesterday.

The last song you listened to?
"You are Good" by Jeff Deyo

Who was the last person you talked to on the telephone?
Lib

If you could change your eye color would you?
Nope

Last phone call received?
Lib

Who did you last get into a big argument with?
Probably my brother.

Have you ever had a really big fight with a best friend?
When I was a kid, all the time.

What are you excited about?
THIS FALL.

Is your current hair color your natural hair color?
Yep.

What was the last song you sang out loud?
"Fairest"

What time did you go to bed last night?
11:30

Have you changed this year?
So much.

Are you any good at math?
Decent.

Have you ever been awake for 48 hours straight?
Probably pretty close at camp.

What did you do two nights ago?
Took my last final and CRASHED in bed.

Are any of your great-grandparents still alive?
No.

Did you get a full 8 hours of sleep last night?
Yep… first time in over two weeks.

Have you ever been taken to the emergency room in an ambulance?
Nope- only in cars.

Have you ever been arrested?
Heh noo.

How has this week been?
Awful.

Why did you last laugh really hard?
Alyssa and Lib and I were "studying" for Biochem… yeah, let's just leave it at that.

Do you have a best friend?
Several. =]

What are you listening to?
"Soul Cry" by Misty Edwards (yes, that's the ?th song I've listed… I'm bored)

Do you wear the hood on your hoodie?
Yesss.

Who is your number 2?
Number 2? Wha?

Do you know anyone that smokes pot?
Unfortunately, I probably do.

What is the worst thing about hugs?
Nothing! I love hugs.

If you could hug anyone right now, who would it be?
Any of my friends. Particularly my small group girlies. =]

Were you happy when you woke up today?
Not really.

Do you make every decision as if your parents are watching you?
Haha no.

When is the last time you talked to your grandma?
Um… I don't know. A few weeks ago.

Do you crack your knuckles?
ALL the time.

Where is your phone?
Right next to my computer.

Finals

Well finals week is just around the corner, and I can already feel the stress piling on. It's a rather emotional time as well; tonight's my last small group, Thursday is the last Chi Alpha of the year, and these are the last days I'll spend with my campus family before saying goodbye to many of them until the fall. And some of them I'll be saying goodbye to not knowing when I'll see them again.
Dead week has already been challenging, and it's only Tuesday; but I am determined that instead of giving into the name, I am going to turn the tides and proclaim LIFE through Jesus.I'd really appreciate prayers as these last 219 hours of school wind down (not that I'm counting or anything . . . ). Prayer for health for all of us would be the biggest priority. And that the studying would be productive, tests would go well; but most of all, that through it all we would continue to shine God's light in the midst of the darkness. With all the stress of school, it's more important now than ever before to be focused on eternity, not the here and now.



Oh, and one more thing . . . it's Robbie's 14th birthday today! Happy birthday bro! I love you!

Quote of the week

"If you don't desire to meet the devil during the day, meet Jesus before dawn. If you don't want the devil to hit you, hit him first, and hit him with all your might, so that he may be to crippled to hit back."
~C.T. Studd

Baseball fever

I'm suffering quite terribly from it right now. :)