Condemnation vs. Restoration

Elijah has become one of my biggest biblical heroes lately. This man's life challenges and inspires me like no other. More than that, who he was resonates deeply within my soul. His story has been teaching me a lot lately, so I want to share a bit of it with you.

If you've never read 1 Kings 18 and 19, go read it. Before you read any further here. Done? Alright. Quite the story, huh? So much can be taken from both chapters, but I want to focus on the latter part. So, to sum it up, basically God works through Elijah to totally destroy the priests of Baal and show Israel who's really on the throne; then within 24 hours Jezebel gets so mad she sends word to Elijah saying she's gonna kill him. Nice lady. Elijah gets scared and runs into the desert, completely hopeless and frustrated.

Story. Of. My Life. God does something absolutely incredible in my life or through me - something tangible, something that leaves me speechless at His utter awesomeness. Then within a day, the enemy attacks and leaves me feeling hopeless and helpless. And what to I do? I run into the desert. I get frustrated and my perspective gets wayyy off base. I throw a pity party. Seriously. Happens All. The. Time.

And every time it does, I have this idea in my head that God's probably looking at me, shaking His head, saying "Really Andrea? Did you not see what I JUST did not even a day ago? Have you forgotten already? Come on, girl. Get your priorities straight. Fix your perspective." That's what I thought when I read Elijah's story the other day, too. In fact, I expected that to be the outcome; never mind the fact that I've ready this story probably a hundred times. But guess what? That's not God's response at all. When Elijah first collapsed under the broom tree in the desert, after telling God he may as well die because his life is worthless, God does the opposite of what Elijah deserved. He sent an angel to bring him food and tell him to rest. For two days food was provided and Elijah rested. Sometimes all we really need is to rest. I get teased about it a lot sometimes, but one thing this semester has taught me is to value my rest. There are times that I skip social events, church events, and yes, even class once in a while, simply because I need the sleep. I know I can function on low amounts of sleep, but everyone around me pays for it. And it's not fair for them to have to put up with my short temper and wild emotions just because I'm tired. It's amazing how often I'll go to bed near tears for whatever reason, and after a decent night's sleep, will wake up with a completely different attitude.

After Elijah had rested, God came and asked him what was going on. Still frustrated, Elijah basically said "Dude, I'm sick of all of this. I'm trying my best to live for You, but it's not worth it anymore. I'm the only one left serving You, and now the queen's after my life too! What the heck did You put me here for?!" And once again, God didn't get on his case and correct him. He simply said "Come outside, because My presence is passing by." Wow. How quick we are to forget that His presence is truly ALL we need. In His presence is fullness of joy, and that joy is our strength. We're made whole in His presence. Our fellowship with Him is restored. We are made righteous by touching His holiness. It just amazes me that God didn't even say "Get your attitude right, and then come into My presence." He just said "Come." I know that it's His presence that makes us right again, but I still struggle with the mentality that I have to clean myself up before I can approach Him. But He simply wants me.

And when Elijah did enter into God's presence, he still found no condemnation. God asked him again what was going on, and Elijah said the exact same thing. Yet instead of correcting Elijah, even now that they were together, God simply restored Elijah's vision and purpose. He told him where to go and what to do - He also showed Elijah that he wasn't alone in serving God. And here too I see a parallel in my own life. When I am in God's presence, my vision is restored. He shows me the plans He has for me, and gently redirects my focus onto what really matters. And very often He'll send people along to encourage me. But there's never condemnation. "There is therefore, now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus." (Romans 8:1)

Now, does that mean that we shouldn't strive to remember and stand on God's past faithfulness? Of course not. That very practice is foundational to our ability to stand in the hard times. And I'm not saying God never disciplines us. The only way to be made holy is to have what's unholy stripped away. What I am saying is that we need to remember to run to His presence when we're frustrated. And never, ever feel like you should be feeling or thinking differently. God will take care of that, too. And with no condemnation - instead, He'll completely restore your fellowship with Him.

Keep Seeking

I've made it a goal to try to blog at least once a week. The combination of having no extra time to write and yet having so much to say made me think maybe an hour once a week would be a good goal. But as I sit here tonight, no words or profound thoughts are coming. I just want God's presence. I crave it. There are no words that describe the hunger in my soul right now. I am made whole in His presence. My vision is restored. My perspective adjusted. My joy and contentment overflowing.

Yet how often do I actually go to that place - that place where I sit in His presence and don't leave until I am changed? Not nearly enough. All too often I make my quiet time an item on my to-do list - if that. If I'm being totally honest here, there are days that I blow it off and don't even spend five intentional minutes with the One I call my best friend. And when I do that, it shows. My life seems to fall apart at the seams. The smallest things bother me. I get frustrated when my friends let me down after expecting them to give me what only He can. I burn out and blow everything out of proportion.

Like today. By this afternoon, I was upset at a couple of my dearest friends, through no fault of their own. I was searching in them for something they are not responsible for giving me. I was complaining about school, about life, and everything else I could think of. And as I sat on my bed trying to figure out why I was in such a bad mood, I finally stopped long enough to hear God say "Umm, hello. I'm still here waiting. MY presence is what you need - not anything else." So I turned on some worship music and grabbed my Bible. I started at my default place - the Psalms. Seriously. If you ever need a place to let out any emotion or just be reminded to praise God for who He is.... Soo pretty much any time any where, go read the Psalms. Twenty minutes later I was worshiping and letting God fill me again. His presence is what I need. It's all I seek. To sit at His feet and let Him overwhelm me and send me to my knees and leave me speechless is what will change me. What makes me like Him. I can't be made into the image of someone I don't spend any time with.

Sometimes we get so caught up in trying to fill our little cup with water from our own sources that we don't realize God's trying to give us His ocean. If I could leave you with one thought for the day, it would be this: Seek His presence first. And always. It's the only thing that truly satisfies. Let go of your other sources of joy, of vision, of direction. When you're confused or burned out or frustrated, go lock yourself in your room, grab your Bible, put on some worship music if you want, and just seek God. And if you're seeking Him and hearing or feeling or seeing nothing, keep seeking Him. Turn your phone off and put your computer away and don't leave until you've been changed. If you've truly spent time in God's manifest presence, it will show. Always. He honors the heart that truly seeks Him. He shows up. And nothing is ever the same.

"Keep on asking, and it will be given to you. Keep on seeking, and you will find. Keep on knocking, and the door will be opened to you." ~Matthew 7:7

If God has a time machine

Have you ever wished you could go back in time and actually be at some event? To see, hear, and feel firsthand the circumstances that took place? I know I have. Probably on a daily basis. I can think of at least a dozen historical events that I would love to see.

I really hope God has a time machine in heaven. Either that, or a video library documenting every single moment of this life. And really, why couldn't He do something like that? He's outside of time, and someday we'll be outside of time. I want to see so many things. The flood, the giving of the Law, Daniel in the lion's den, or Jesus' birth. The look on Columbus' face when he discovered America, or the signing of the Constitution. Even better, when my parents first met, or when my grandpa finally surrendered his life to Jesus.

But there is one moment that I want to see more than anything in the world. I want to see the very instant when the devil realized he had lost - completely and eternally. I wonder if it was as soon as Jesus said "It is finished," or if he didn't get it until Jesus walked up to him and took the keys of death and hell from his hand. What was running through his mind as Jesus dragged him through the pits of hell, making a public display of his utter ruin? What did the demons think while they took in the confident smile and fierce eyes of the One who held their leader captive? How great the song of victory must have been as it came from the saints while Jesus finally freed them and led them safely to His Father's arms. I can only imagine the tears that must have fallen from the Father's eyes as He and His Son saw the atonement and reconciliation between God and man finally made whole.

If God has a time machine, I want to see the moment that changed the course of eternity.

"I AM the First and the Last. I AM the Living One; I was dead, and behold, I AM alive forevermore! And I hold the keys to death and hell." (Revelation 1:18)

Jump

Waiting.
Wondering. Falling. Flying.
Praying. Hoping. Trusting.
Waiting.
Will I fall? Will I hit something? Will someone catch me? Or will I learn to fly?
These and a thousand more thoughts run through my head while I sit here. Waiting.
His voice whispered "Jump."
I stepped back. Fearful. Not yet, Lord. I can't.
"Jump."
I crept forward. Looked over the edge. Can I see the ground? Is someone there?
Utter darkness. I can't see where I'll land.
If I'll land.
"Trust Me." But Lord, I can't see where I'm going. What if I can't fly?
"Trust Me. Just jump."
I turn around and look at the road that brought me here. To this place. This ledge. This dead end - unless I jump.
A multitude of successes and failures. A crooked, broken path. The places where He carried me. The places where I carried someone else. The dark places. The valleys. The smaller leaps.
And suddenly, I know.
This was His intention.
The road didn't break.
He removed it.
Because I'm ready.
He brought me here. In His time. He made me strong. Ready.
Ready to jump.
Not knowing what will happen.
Not caring.
I might fall. But He'll catch me.
I might fly. And He'll guide me.
But this is where I belong.
Letting go. Jumping. Leaving the results in His hands.
I turn back around. Look at the ledge. The darkness.
Knowing. Smiling.
And I jump.