My world

I have recently come to the conclusion that, as a nursing student, I live in a cave. At least when it comes to the world outside my campus. I am ridiculously out of the loop when it comes to world news, politics, or even local news for that matter. It's kinda amusing at times, to be honest. I've heard so many people complain about all the political ads and how ready they are for elections to be over, and I could honestly count on one hand the number of ads I've heard. I haven't watched a news broadcast since the beginning of the summer, so to say I've been in a few situations where I've had to say "Wait, what happened?" would be the understatement of the century. And don't even ask me about local events... no clue. Sad? Well, maybe. Perhaps I should be paying a bit more attention to the world... okay, scratch that. I know I should. At least enough to have some sort of idea of what's been going on.

But. Yeah, you knew there was a but coming, didn't you? But I know what's going on in the world God has placed me in. I know what my small group girls are going through. I know what I need to be praying for, and when I should be praying. I've watched breakthroughs happen. I've seen people turn to Jesus. I know when I need to drop to my knees and intercede for someone. I've walked into situations that only God could have orchestrated so perfectly to let His glory be revealed. I'm not perfect; far from it. I still fall; I still miss it; and I still make mistakes. But with the guidance of the Holy Spirit, I am striving to be completely aware of what's going on in my world.

Are you so concerned with what's going on half a world away that you don't even see the broken heart in the person sitting next to you in class? Are you watching the political campaigning with such intensity that you ignore the battle that's being waged over your neighbor's very soul?

I'm not saying we shouldn't be aware of what's going on in the world. But don't get so caught up in the "big" picture that you ignore the details. The next person God brings into your life could be the one to change the world. Be faithful in small things, because souls really aren't small.

You are for me

So faithful
So constant
So loving and so true
So powerful in all You do

You fill me
You see me
You know my every move
You love for me to sing to You

I know that You are for me
I know that You are for me
I know that You will never
Forsake me in my weakness
And I know that You have come now
Even if to write upon my heart
To remind me who You are

So patient
So gracious
So merciful and true
So wonderful in all You do

~Kari Jobe

A different beat

Music is my heartbeat.

Seriously. That statement is not an exaggeration. I live, breathe, eat, and sleep music. I am constantly singing (much to my family's chagrin, at times), and I have friends who tease me about the way my fingers always seem to find a surface to tap on (majorly unbreakable habit after playing piano for so long). At any given moment I will have at least one song running through my head - all day, every day. Give me a piano or let me listen to someone sing and I'm the happiest girl in the world. And now I will go completely music-nerd on you and admit that whenever I hear an orchestra or band playing, I will literally stop in my tracks, turn to the source of the sound, and listen for a while. Even if I'm on my way to class, or walking with a friend. Yes, I'm a dork. =] No, I don't care. Music touches and moves my very soul, and I wouldn't have it any other way.

So. All that to say, because music is such an integral part of who I am, God has used it to get His point across. And tonight it finally worked. I finally listened.

The last few weeks I've really been struggling with comparing myself to others. Mostly in the area of school. The classes I'm taking at the moment are anything but easy, and I'm giving every ounce of effort I can. And yet for as hard as I try, the results have been beyond frustrating and disappointing. But the thing that's been really hard is that last year I watched friends take the same classes and succeed at them. I watched them, listened to them, and sought out their advice as to how to succeed. And up until this point I've felt like a complete failure. Last year I put in the effort and I got the results I needed; this year I've struggled. I know I'm fully capable of doing this, and I'm meant to be here, so what's going on? It's even carried over into leadership in Chi Alpha. I've felt inadequate and like I don't measure up when I look at those around me. Once again, I know I'm called to be here, so what's the problem?

Well, last night answered that question. I was at the altar after church pouring my heart out to God about this when He simply said "Walk to My beat." Four words. Four simple words that hit me like a freight train. "Walk to My beat." It's something He's been trying to tell me even before school started. And though I've most definitely heard Him, for some reason I couldn't follow. Finally last night it sunk in. I'm not supposed to walk in step with anyone else. They can hear the rhythm God has given for their lives. I can't. God made me perfectly able to succeed in whatever I do as long as I follow Him, not anyone else. I've been hearing it over and over again; I've even had friends who've tried to tell me the same thing. But last night for the first time it penetrated me and became my heart's desire. I dropped to my knees and wept as I cried out "Let me hear it! I'm sick of trying to walk in step with those around me. I can't hear their rhythm and I fall anyway. I'm Yours again. Let me hear Your rhythm. Teach me. Teach me how to study, how to lead, how to live. Teach me to walk to Your beat. I want to hear Your rhythm for my life. I want to walk to Your beat, and I don't care if it's not in step with anyone else."

I won't say it's going to be easy from now on. I know it's still a process that God is bringing me through. But this time, I'm actually listening for His rhythm. I'm learning to walk to His beat.