To be broken

"We are only asked to love, to offer hope to the many hopeless. We don't get to choose all the endings, but we are asked to play the rescuers. We won't solve all mysteries and our hearts will certainly break in such a vulnerable life, but it is the best way. We were made to be lovers bold in broken places, pouring ourselves out again and again until we're called home."
~Jamie Tworkowski

Scary thought, huh? It still terrifies me sometimes. God doesn't call us to be strong; He calls us to be broken. He doesn't call us to be content; He calls us to empty ourselves. This is something I've been learning and struggling with the last few weeks. Partly because of how God is using me, and partly because of what He's having me walk through now and in the next couple of months.

A couple of weeks ago I was listening to the song "Hosanna," and the bridge of the song says "Heal my heart and make it new," but later it says "Break my heart for what breaks Yours." And at first, I thought "Okay God, that's kinda contradictory. What's going on?" And He simply said "I can't break a heart that's already shattered." Now, just stop and think about that. In fact, let me restate it: God can't break a heart that's already shattered. That alone shattered my world. That's exactly why He heals us of our own brokenness and gives us new, whole hearts; so He can break them for what breaks His heart. He takes our shattered and torn lives so He can shatter us for what shatters Him. And it's a continuing cycle; He heals us so we can be broken; and we seek His healing so we can be broken again.

Going back to that quote, that's how it's always supposed to work. We are to be continually filled with God's presence, not so we can remain full and satisfied, but so we can pour ourselves out. We are filled so we can be emptied, and we seek His presence so we can pour into the lives of others. It may seem like a hard life, but it's only hard when we forget to seek God's presence when we're empty. Without His presence, we will have nothing to offer.

Spring Break

My spring break was AmAzInG. I traveled with nine other girls to WI for some good R&R. I knew about half of the girls before the trip, and had a blast getting even closer to them and getting to know the rest of them. The worship and devotions were awesome, and the fellowship was really sweet. We stayed in a huge cabin right on a lake, and the weather was gorgeous--60's and super sunny.
Go here to see pictures from our fun time. (Click on a picture to enlarge it)

Random Thoughts on Seeking God’s Presence

• Psalm 137:5-6
  

  "If I forget you, O Jerusalem, may my right hand forget her skill. May my tongue cling to the roof of my mouth if I do not remember you, if I do not exalt Jerusalem above my chief joy."
  

• Basically, the psalmist says "If I don't put Jerusalem first, let my life fall apart." In the OT, Jerusalem was exalted and honored because it signified the dwelling place and the presence of God. Today, that dwelling place is within us. God's presence lives in
  us. And just as the psalmist realized, if our chief joy is for anything but the presence of God, our lives will fall apart. In my own life, when I desire anything more than I desire God's presence, I immediately lose all my joy and strength, and even little things start to overwhelm me.
  
• I love what Sean Smith said at SALT in January: "What we value we will recognize. Therefore if we value the presence of God, we will learn to recognize it." This is so true, and so practical. If I value a friend, I will learn to recognize their face, their voice, their personality. In the same way, if I truly value the presence of God, I will learn to recognize it. I will learn to recognize His voice.
  
• Joshua 20 tells the story of the cities of refuge being established. Basically, if someone accidentally killed someone else, and a friend of the victim sought to kill them for it, that person could flee to one of those cities, and the pursuer couldn't harm them. This really mirrors God's presence. When we stumble and fall into sin, the enemy will jump at the opportunity to attack us. But instead of running away, we must flee to the presence of God. It is only in His protective hands that we find safety. It is the one place that Satan cannot enter and harm us.
  

  Another thing that struck me about this was that, if the person fled to the city, they had to admit what they did. They couldn't just run there and then pretend everything was fine, and still be protected. They had to say "Hey, I messed up; help me!" In the same way, we can't hide our sin and remain in God's presence. To find protection, we have to humble ourselves and admit "Lord, I really messed up, and I need Your forgiveness and protection."
  

• One day as I was praying for an upcoming Chi Alpha meeting, I started reading in Joel where God says "In the last days I will pour out my Spirit . . . " Then for some odd reason, my mind wandered back to this passage in Isaiah 29. And it was definitely the Holy Spirit, 'cause the two passages are not related in the least. :) Anyway, in Isaiah 29 it talks about a man being thirsty, and dreaming that he is drinking, but when he wakes up, his thirst is not quenched. God said, "Andrea, My presence is not like that. My presence is real. When I pour out my Spirit and my presence, you will be filled. You won't walk away saying 'I still feel empty; like it was just a dream.' My presence is real."
  

• The more time you spend in God's presence, the more of His heart He will give you, and the more sensitive you'll become to His leading. And the more of His heart He gives us, the more like Him we become, and the world notices that.
  2 Corinthians 2:15
  "For we are a fragrance of Christ to God among those who are being saved and among those who are perishing."
  We have to remember that we are Christ's aroma to the world, and we do carry the presence of God wherever we go. In my life, there have always been those people where it's like "I just want to be around you, because it's like being in God's presence," so evident was His hand in their lives. And we are all that fragrance to the world. We have to remember that. As my friend Nate says, "My classmates may never read Matthew, Mark, Luke, or John, but they read the gospel according to Nate every single day." You may be the only Jesus some will ever see; so what do they see when they look at you?
  

(This is actually based off of a Bible study I led a couple of weeks ago. Just some food for thought.)

Since I can't think of anything creative to write

This is a 250-word essay I wrote for a scholarship application, and I thought it'd give you a good overview of where my heart is.

“Just get through this part of my life.” That was my mindset last fall when I began my first semester at NDSU. I am a pre-nursing student, and the academic pressure placed on nursing students is tremendous. My goal was simply to get into the Nursing program and do well in school. However, through a series of divine interventions, my viewpoint began to shift about halfway through the fall semester. I began to see the campus of NDSU not as a trial to be endured, but as an empire to be conquered; and as a world to be impacted. When I get to the very heart of the matter, academics are not the most important thing about school. It is about the people around me. How can I impact this campus in a lasting way? When I walk away from this campus, what kind of legacy will I leave? Will I just be another student who did well academically and found a well-paying job, or will I be a student that God used to change lives? Jobs come and go, and money can be made and lost all-too easily; but the souls of those around me will last forever.

As a nurse, I will have the same opportunity. Working in a hospital will allow me to have a lasting impact on those around me. I may be the only one to show love and compassion to the hurting in this world. And that’s the greatest joy I can think of.

Something to think about

This pretty much sums up exactly what I've been learning the last couple of weeks.

God doesn't ask for our opinion; He asks for our obedience.

Yes, I'm still here . . .

. . . even if it doesn't seem like it. :) As is always the case during the school year, I don't have time to write much, but school's going really well. My classes aren't bad, and I'm LOVING being with my awesome girls all the time (and I think I've gained about 10 "big" brothers too). :)

Anyhow, like I said, I don't really have time to give a bigger update. Chi Alpha is continuing to grow and be used by God, and I honestly could not be happier being so involved with it. Sometimes I just want to quit school and just do ministry full-time; until I remember why God called me here in the first place. But someday hopefully I'll be able to do both (well, I guess I am doing both even now). But yeah, God is so good, especially through the trials of the last few weeks. I am SUPER SUPER RIDICULOUSLY EXCITED for spring break!!! I'm going to a lake cabin for four days with some amazing girls for some sweet devotion, worship, and fellowship time. I can't wait! But I can't believe how FAST this semester has flown--I really don't want to be half done already! :( Lord, teach me to number my days.

Okay, that's about all for now. Don't be surprised if you don't hear from me for a while; college will do that to you . . okay, so some people would say spending so much time with your friends will do that to you . . . whatever. :) But if you think of us, please be praying for our area. We are preparing for another huge flood, and we'd appreciate being lifted up in prayers for that.