I jumped off a cliff last week.
Now, for those of you who don't quite understand the ridiculousness of that statement coming out of my mouth, let me break it down. I am terrified of heights. Just the thought of climbing on top of a step ladder gets my knees shaking sometimes. Now, that's not to say that I avoid heights; I do tend to be pretty fearless. I've been known to do some crazy things, and it doesn't particularly hinder my life. But unless my set designer is asking me to climb on top of scaffolding to rope some lights up, I don't really go looking for reasons to face that fear.
However. Sometimes life presents itself with learning opportunities that are too convenient to pass up. Such was the case last week. My creative team at our church had ventured out to the St. Cloud quarries about a month ago to shoot a sermon bumper* that involved someone running & jumping off a cliff (into water, for the record. Researched beforehand and perfectly safe). It's an incredible video, and probably one of my proudest achievements thus far. The scenery was beautiful, and it was pretty fun to watch a friend take that leap... over and over and over, as you filmmakers well know. :) After going out there the first time, I started itching to go back and do the jump myself. Like I said, it's a gorgeous place, in the middle of a natural reserve, and the water's great for swimming in too. With my brother moving in just a few short days, we decided it'd be a great way to spend one last Saturday together. So we packed up and headed out there early Saturday morning, and spent half the day at the quarry, swimming, talking, climbing, and of course, cliff jumping.
Let me tell you. There is nothing in the world like the feeling you get when you jump off a cliff. I cannot even put into words the feelings and thoughts that fly through your mind as you fly through the air. The moment your foot leaves the edge, there's an instant scream of "Shoot. What have I done?!" And then you have an eternity to think about it as you careen into the water. But then. The rush that happens when your head pops up from the water is beyond words. If you're like me, you're probably hyperventilating with a heart rate in the 200's; scenes from Tangled come to mind as you mirror Rapunzel's thought process of a terrified "I can't believe I did that." growing to an exhilarated "I CAN'T BELIEVE I DID THAT!" And then you think "I've got to do that again!"
But can I be honest? The next time I got up to the top of the cliff, jumping was even scarier than the time before. I knew the terror that would fill my mind and body when I got to the edge after running. Yes, I also knew the rush awaiting me, but that didn't diminish the fear that came first. It still required a decision to take off running and not stop. The "what have I done" moment was still there. And the rush was still waiting for me at the bottom (as were a few nasty bruises this time around).
All that to say. I see a host of lessons to be learned in that process. We talked about it on our hike back to the car afterward. See, my brother and I are both in rather similar places in life. We've made decisions on the direction our lives are taking in the next nine months or so, and in all honesty, neither of us have any idea what awaits us, or what in the world we're doing after that. All either of us know is that these are the doors the Lord has opened before us, and if that's what it takes to walk with Him, that's what we'll do. And as we've begun to walk through those doors, we've been reminded again.
Walking by faith is often like jumping off a cliff. You know the next step the Lord has asked you to take, but you also know it's terrifying. So many unanswered questions, and so many unknowns. How am I supposed to do that? Will I be able to pay my bills? Who's going to be there for me? Will I end up alone? What next? How is that going to prepare me for the next season? Where will I live? What if I don't agree with everything I'm doing - even if it's not wrong? How can I be a light in the darkness? How am I supposed to preach the gospel if there's no platform? What if I lose my community? These and a thousand more questions often flood our minds and can leave us absolutely frozen in fear if we stand there long enough. But like I said, faith is often like jumping off a cliff. Stand there at the edge long enough and you'll talk yourself out of it every time. The thing we have to learn to do is take a running leap. Because when you run out over the edge, the decision is made five steps before you get there. There's no stopping, and when the "what have I done" moment comes, all you can do is scream as you jump. But, like the end of the jump, the end result of walking by faith is always the same. It's the only safe response to the calling of your Savior. He will always provide. He will always be faithful. And when you do reach the water, you'll look back and think "Man, that was fun. Why would I ever want to live any other way?"
And to be honest, the next time the Lord asks you to take a leap, it may be just as scary. In fact, sometimes it'll be even more terrifying. Just because you know the outcome doesn't mean fear ceases to exist. And the next time, you might have to start running even earlier. But it's not God's job to make you do things fearlessly. It's your job to do things while you're still afraid. Because by doing so, we're choosing to rely not on our logic, but on God's perfect love, which casts out fear. And with every moment of trust comes a moment of rejoicing as you can look back on your life and see God's constant faithfulness.
*Click here to see the sermon bumper I mentioned above. Video credit: Matthew Dunham, Andrea Steele, Keely Ronnevik. Property of First Assembly Creative Team.
8.27.2014
6.16.2014
The Truth About Grace
"But where sin abounds, grace abounds all the more." (Romans 5:20)
You know, I think today we have a pretty shallow understanding of the idea of grace. Most believers in the western hemisphere of this thing we call home (98% of us in fact, according to recent surveys), would define grace as God's extended forgiveness and subsequent salvation. And... that's it. Now while that is a good start, if that is all we believe grace is... Well, no wonder the western church seems to be as powerless and lethargic as it is. So, in light of what seems to be a growing mis-belief amongst Christians today, allow me to introduce a thought that, hopefully, will challenge and encourage you.
Grace isn't just about unmerited forgiveness. That's a start, and by all means, a crucial one. But grace doesn't stop there. No, I would propose to you today that grace is a powerful, fierce, unrelenting force. It is what clothes us in robes of righteousness as sons and daughters of God - as heirs to a kingdom. Know what an heir does? He conducts himself as one in the same position of authority as the one who gave it to him. Grace doesn't just free us from the bondage of sin - it empowers us to live in relentless pursuit of our Redeemer. And the by-products of that pursuit are an ever increasing holiness, as we continually radiate and reflect the One we worship on a deeper level; and the ability to walk in the authority given to us as Christ's ambassadors to this world. When you know who you are as a child of God, you can shake nations. Grace isn't just a parachute to put on before an airplane gets hit and nosedives out of the sky so you don't become a pile of mush on the ground; it's the training and equipment to lead an army into battle and zero in on your target to reclaim your God-given land and establish His authority once again.
Let's take a closer look at the verse above. The word "abounds" shows up twice in the verse, saying essentially that where sin ran rampant, grace was bigger. But here we see yet another reason I rather despise the English language, and it's terrible habit of destroying the depth of the gospel. The first Greek word for "abounds" is the word "pleonazo," which means generally what we consider "abounds" to mean: "to exist in abundance, or to be augmented." However, the word we translate "abounds" when speaking of the measure of grace is the word "hyperperisseuo." This word comes from a number of different roots, and can be translated as "to overflow, to exist so greatly as to establish preeminence, or to pierce through entirely." Now, think about this for a moment. Where sin ran rampant, grace pierced through entirely and established preeminence. Kind of points back to the Cross, doesn't it? Not only that, grace has rendered sin powerless over us. We are no longer slaves to sin, with wicked hearts, trying to just "hang in there" til Jesus comes back; we are forgiven, set free, given a new heart, and are commanded to establish His authority in the earth.
Sidenote, did you know that the word "grace" in the Greek actually comes from a root word meaning "joy, or great rejoicing"? And Nehemiah teaches us that the joy of the Lord is our strength. God also told Paul "My grace is sufficient for you, for My power is made perfect in weakness." Here again we see that grace essentially equates to power.
Getting the picture yet? Forgiveness and salvation are a great start to understanding grace. But if we can look beyond the shoreline to see the ocean, it can build a foundation of trust and confidence strong enough to weather any storm.
You know, I think today we have a pretty shallow understanding of the idea of grace. Most believers in the western hemisphere of this thing we call home (98% of us in fact, according to recent surveys), would define grace as God's extended forgiveness and subsequent salvation. And... that's it. Now while that is a good start, if that is all we believe grace is... Well, no wonder the western church seems to be as powerless and lethargic as it is. So, in light of what seems to be a growing mis-belief amongst Christians today, allow me to introduce a thought that, hopefully, will challenge and encourage you.
Grace isn't just about unmerited forgiveness. That's a start, and by all means, a crucial one. But grace doesn't stop there. No, I would propose to you today that grace is a powerful, fierce, unrelenting force. It is what clothes us in robes of righteousness as sons and daughters of God - as heirs to a kingdom. Know what an heir does? He conducts himself as one in the same position of authority as the one who gave it to him. Grace doesn't just free us from the bondage of sin - it empowers us to live in relentless pursuit of our Redeemer. And the by-products of that pursuit are an ever increasing holiness, as we continually radiate and reflect the One we worship on a deeper level; and the ability to walk in the authority given to us as Christ's ambassadors to this world. When you know who you are as a child of God, you can shake nations. Grace isn't just a parachute to put on before an airplane gets hit and nosedives out of the sky so you don't become a pile of mush on the ground; it's the training and equipment to lead an army into battle and zero in on your target to reclaim your God-given land and establish His authority once again.
Let's take a closer look at the verse above. The word "abounds" shows up twice in the verse, saying essentially that where sin ran rampant, grace was bigger. But here we see yet another reason I rather despise the English language, and it's terrible habit of destroying the depth of the gospel. The first Greek word for "abounds" is the word "pleonazo," which means generally what we consider "abounds" to mean: "to exist in abundance, or to be augmented." However, the word we translate "abounds" when speaking of the measure of grace is the word "hyperperisseuo." This word comes from a number of different roots, and can be translated as "to overflow, to exist so greatly as to establish preeminence, or to pierce through entirely." Now, think about this for a moment. Where sin ran rampant, grace pierced through entirely and established preeminence. Kind of points back to the Cross, doesn't it? Not only that, grace has rendered sin powerless over us. We are no longer slaves to sin, with wicked hearts, trying to just "hang in there" til Jesus comes back; we are forgiven, set free, given a new heart, and are commanded to establish His authority in the earth.
Sidenote, did you know that the word "grace" in the Greek actually comes from a root word meaning "joy, or great rejoicing"? And Nehemiah teaches us that the joy of the Lord is our strength. God also told Paul "My grace is sufficient for you, for My power is made perfect in weakness." Here again we see that grace essentially equates to power.
Getting the picture yet? Forgiveness and salvation are a great start to understanding grace. But if we can look beyond the shoreline to see the ocean, it can build a foundation of trust and confidence strong enough to weather any storm.
6.12.2014
The Source
Jeremiah 2:13
"For my people have committed two evils: they have forsaken me, the fountain of living waters, and hewed out cisterns for themselves, broken cisterns that can hold no water."
John 4:10-15
"Jesus answered her, “If you knew the gift of God, and who it is that is saying to you, ‘Give me a drink,’ you would have asked him, and he would have given you living water.” The woman said to him, “Sir, you have nothing to draw water with, and the well is deep. Where do you get that living water? Are you greater than our father Jacob? He gave us the well and drank from it himself, as did his sons and his livestock.” Jesus said to her, “Everyone who drinks of this water will be thirsty again, but whoever drinks of the water that I will give him will never be thirsty again. The water that I will give him will become in him a spring of water welling up to eternal life.” The woman said to him, “Sir, give me this water, so that I will not be thirsty or have to come here to draw water."
How often do we run around trying to dig our own wells and find our own water sources to satisfy our aching and thirsty souls? And yet with every passing moment we are left dry and broken. We spend so much time trying to use different buckets that we fail to recognize that the problem isn't that we have the wrong bucket; it's that we're standing at the wrong well.
The issue often isn't our method, it's our source. Instead of trying harder, being more passionate, investing in different ministries or people, job-hopping, etc... Let's go back to the source and make sure we're drawing from the Lord, not our own ideas of what will satisfy. His Word sustains, and in His presence is fullness of joy. What is it about our nature that reaches for that promotion at work, or a relationship with this person, or a new wardrobe, or moving to this great city to fill the longing in our hearts? And each time those things fail, we, like Israel, look to another finite source to run after. We become disillusioned with one passion, but instead of considering the root of the problem, we simply slap a bandaid on it and run after the next thing that catches our attention. And all the while, Jesus is standing next to us saying "The bucket isn't the problem." If we would stop long enough to listen we would quickly realize He truly does offer water that never runs dry. He IS the well.
So the next time you end up feeling dry and empty from whatever you're chasing, instead of reaching for a different bucket, turn around and make sure you're standing at the Well of Living Water.
"For my people have committed two evils: they have forsaken me, the fountain of living waters, and hewed out cisterns for themselves, broken cisterns that can hold no water."
John 4:10-15
"Jesus answered her, “If you knew the gift of God, and who it is that is saying to you, ‘Give me a drink,’ you would have asked him, and he would have given you living water.” The woman said to him, “Sir, you have nothing to draw water with, and the well is deep. Where do you get that living water? Are you greater than our father Jacob? He gave us the well and drank from it himself, as did his sons and his livestock.” Jesus said to her, “Everyone who drinks of this water will be thirsty again, but whoever drinks of the water that I will give him will never be thirsty again. The water that I will give him will become in him a spring of water welling up to eternal life.” The woman said to him, “Sir, give me this water, so that I will not be thirsty or have to come here to draw water."
How often do we run around trying to dig our own wells and find our own water sources to satisfy our aching and thirsty souls? And yet with every passing moment we are left dry and broken. We spend so much time trying to use different buckets that we fail to recognize that the problem isn't that we have the wrong bucket; it's that we're standing at the wrong well.
The issue often isn't our method, it's our source. Instead of trying harder, being more passionate, investing in different ministries or people, job-hopping, etc... Let's go back to the source and make sure we're drawing from the Lord, not our own ideas of what will satisfy. His Word sustains, and in His presence is fullness of joy. What is it about our nature that reaches for that promotion at work, or a relationship with this person, or a new wardrobe, or moving to this great city to fill the longing in our hearts? And each time those things fail, we, like Israel, look to another finite source to run after. We become disillusioned with one passion, but instead of considering the root of the problem, we simply slap a bandaid on it and run after the next thing that catches our attention. And all the while, Jesus is standing next to us saying "The bucket isn't the problem." If we would stop long enough to listen we would quickly realize He truly does offer water that never runs dry. He IS the well.
So the next time you end up feeling dry and empty from whatever you're chasing, instead of reaching for a different bucket, turn around and make sure you're standing at the Well of Living Water.
5.28.2014
Faithful
I didn’t understand a lot of things growing up (shocking, right?). I didn’t understand why my parents chose to move to Fargo; I couldn’t figure out how to love my brothers - especially the youngest one - to save my life. I didn’t understand the influence I seemed to have over my friends, or my brothers. My parents’ friendships and ministry often confused me, and I didn’t really know how to do life in community. But you know what one of the biggest things I didn’t understand was? I could not figure out my parents’ relationship with each other. I found it weird and confusing… and also secure and comforting. I mean, you oughta hear their story. It’s crazy… and a pretty good summation of our entire lives as a family, actually. God is good, and if you actually make an effort to listen, He really will lead you in the path of life.
As the years have gone by, I think I’ve begun to understand it a bit more. My parents truly are best friends. I don’t think I ever really believed them when they would say that when I was a kid. I mean, come on, who actually means that? My parents, I guess. And when they say they’re continually more in love with each other than before, it’s absolute truth. I guess I had a pretty skewed idea of what it meant to be in love, to be friends - thank you, society. As I’ve grown, I’ve begun to watch my parents more. I catch the looks they give each other. The way they do seemingly meaningless stuff like running errands together, and genuinely enjoy it. My parents’ love isn’t necessarily the most hopelessly romantic, or exuberantly adventurous… But you know what it is? It’s faithful. It’s one I’ve watched walk through heartache and trials and storms and confusion, and grow stronger through it all. Sure there were disagreements and struggles in our house. But one area we never, ever, feared was our parents’ marriage breaking apart. The thought never even crossed my mind. People sometimes tell me I know how to be a faithful friend - and I’m honored to be able to say my parents are the number one reason for that. They showed me how. And the other thing (well, one more among many) that stands out? Their sacrifice. They’ve given so much to walk with God in the plans He’s called them to - and SO much to raise my brothers and me. This last weekend, for the third time in five years, my parents celebrated their wedding anniversary, not by focusing on the two of them, but by having a high school graduation day for their kids. Robbie is officially done with high school, and once again my parents prioritized him (and our family) above themselves, without a word of complaint. Selflessness in action, my friends.
Anyhow. I had no other point in this post, other than to take a moment to honor two of my heroes.
3.12.2014
You asked for it
Let me just give a word of warning to those of you who haven't walked with the Lord long enough to learn this lesson firsthand: Be careful what you pray for. Or in my case, be careful what you sing. Because God hears the words you use.
As I've said before, this year has been a storm beyond anything I ever saw coming. And in all honesty I never would have asked for it if I knew what it was going to entail. Everything I've ever known to be constant has been stripped from me and I've been left with a world crumbling around me. I've had to learn how to work through the realization that just because you're called to something doesn't mean you're going to be passionate about it. And for me, not being passionate about something that takes up the majority of my time is not something I'm used to. I also don't handle it very well. Most of the time, if I'm going to do something, I either do it with a drive that borders on reckless, or I forget about it altogether. No middle ground. Until you give your word to stick to something for a year and about three months in you realize you don't like it, and you're stuck with the fact that you gave your word. Amidst the waiting, the process, the battle... the storm... I've lost friends, my community, my strengths, the areas of ministry I once was so passionate about, my identity... Nothing left as the Lord has begun to rebuild a foundation that I didn't realize needed to be there. I've been a tad bitter about it at times.
However.
Back in January I was at a SALT conference and the Lord totally nailed me about it one night. During worship, I wasn't on the team for the night, so I was just off to the side of the stage worshiping. We started singing Hillsong's "I Surrender," which is a song that had really become my heart's cry about a year previously. Part of the bridge says "Like a mighty storm, stir within my soul. Lord have Your way in me." And as the team sang this, the Holy Spirit spoke to me and said "You asked for it." I had to sit there for a while to let that sink in and come to terms with it. Because He was absolutely right. There are times in your life when you become so desperate to reach a new level of intimacy with God that you will be forced to say "No matter the cost, I just need You." In my case, it usually comes in the form of songs... and the one that happened to move my heart asked for a storm. Oops.
The seasons of life come and go, and I think half our battle is to simply be okay with living in the ebb and flow of emotions and passions... the highs and lows. I want so badly to be over the weight of frustration, pain, and depression that can linger and overwhelm as the enemy wounds you over and over in the same raw, tender areas. But sometimes the whole point of the storm is to learn to anchor yourself in who you KNOW God to be. That He loves you, He is for you, and He knows what He's doing. When we try to run from the storm we end up sinking - but when we focus on Jesus, we still may feel the waves crashing around us, but He will hold our head above those waves. And every battle we face, every storm that rages over us, is a new opportunity to choose to trust the One who promised He would never leave us.
Hillsong: I Surrender
As I've said before, this year has been a storm beyond anything I ever saw coming. And in all honesty I never would have asked for it if I knew what it was going to entail. Everything I've ever known to be constant has been stripped from me and I've been left with a world crumbling around me. I've had to learn how to work through the realization that just because you're called to something doesn't mean you're going to be passionate about it. And for me, not being passionate about something that takes up the majority of my time is not something I'm used to. I also don't handle it very well. Most of the time, if I'm going to do something, I either do it with a drive that borders on reckless, or I forget about it altogether. No middle ground. Until you give your word to stick to something for a year and about three months in you realize you don't like it, and you're stuck with the fact that you gave your word. Amidst the waiting, the process, the battle... the storm... I've lost friends, my community, my strengths, the areas of ministry I once was so passionate about, my identity... Nothing left as the Lord has begun to rebuild a foundation that I didn't realize needed to be there. I've been a tad bitter about it at times.
However.
Back in January I was at a SALT conference and the Lord totally nailed me about it one night. During worship, I wasn't on the team for the night, so I was just off to the side of the stage worshiping. We started singing Hillsong's "I Surrender," which is a song that had really become my heart's cry about a year previously. Part of the bridge says "Like a mighty storm, stir within my soul. Lord have Your way in me." And as the team sang this, the Holy Spirit spoke to me and said "You asked for it." I had to sit there for a while to let that sink in and come to terms with it. Because He was absolutely right. There are times in your life when you become so desperate to reach a new level of intimacy with God that you will be forced to say "No matter the cost, I just need You." In my case, it usually comes in the form of songs... and the one that happened to move my heart asked for a storm. Oops.
The seasons of life come and go, and I think half our battle is to simply be okay with living in the ebb and flow of emotions and passions... the highs and lows. I want so badly to be over the weight of frustration, pain, and depression that can linger and overwhelm as the enemy wounds you over and over in the same raw, tender areas. But sometimes the whole point of the storm is to learn to anchor yourself in who you KNOW God to be. That He loves you, He is for you, and He knows what He's doing. When we try to run from the storm we end up sinking - but when we focus on Jesus, we still may feel the waves crashing around us, but He will hold our head above those waves. And every battle we face, every storm that rages over us, is a new opportunity to choose to trust the One who promised He would never leave us.
Hillsong: I Surrender
1.03.2014
New Every Morning
I probably wouldn't even know it's a new year if I hadn't spent half of one shift at the hospital signing and dating things in 2013, and the other half as 2014. Alas, a new year is upon us, and with that comes... A new me. Right? Or maybe not. I have heard the old "New year, new me" cliche so many times in the last week it makes me want to throw up. Seriously. Or maybe punch a wall. Or both. In the rare moments that I did think about the year turning over and becoming new, I also thought about all the new resolutions being made this week. Promises that often don't change, and rarely are seen realized. Yet we continue to claim that "this year will be different!" It breaks me to see someone continue to fight through the same battles, and it frustrates me to watch others make the same promises. And both to hold on to some weird thought that January 1st will change things. You know what comes to my mind in all of this? "His mercies are new every morning; great is Thy faithfulness." I guess somewhere inside of me I get that the start of the year is a reminder to start anew; but what if instead, we chose to remember that every morning we have the ability to start over? That instead of standing under a cloud of oppression and shame over the things we've struggled with, waiting for that one chance to get out, we looked up and realized that God never runs out of brand new mercy and grace? The moment to start running after something new doesn't come around on one day a year; it begins the moment you hear your Maker calling your name.
I've changed in the last year. And by last year I don't mean last week when it was 2013. These last six months have been quite possibly the hardest six months of my entire life. And in all honesty, I don't particularly anticipate the next six months to be any different. Or easier. Work is hard. Being a nurse - what's more, being a night nurse - is hard. Growing up is hard. Losing friends and community is hard. Finishing a part of a calling on your life and having no stinking clue where to go after that is hard. And learning to remain faithful to your word, work, ministry, etc, and staying where you know you're supposed to, while you know God is calling and preparing you for something else, somewhere else, after that is freaking hard. I'm not going to pretend that the start of a new year can bring a change in me or my circumstances. That doesn't happen overnight. What I can say is that I will continue to fight. And I'll continue to journey through this freaking hard season so that I can come out on the other side more firmly planted in the foundation that is my Father's love than I've ever been. To be a more pure and holy reflection of Him than I was a year ago, a week ago, or a moment ago. In every victory I'll praise Him. And in every moment that I'm struggling - and believe me, there's more of those than I care to count... in those moments, I'll remember that His mercies are new every morning.
I've changed in the last year. And by last year I don't mean last week when it was 2013. These last six months have been quite possibly the hardest six months of my entire life. And in all honesty, I don't particularly anticipate the next six months to be any different. Or easier. Work is hard. Being a nurse - what's more, being a night nurse - is hard. Growing up is hard. Losing friends and community is hard. Finishing a part of a calling on your life and having no stinking clue where to go after that is hard. And learning to remain faithful to your word, work, ministry, etc, and staying where you know you're supposed to, while you know God is calling and preparing you for something else, somewhere else, after that is freaking hard. I'm not going to pretend that the start of a new year can bring a change in me or my circumstances. That doesn't happen overnight. What I can say is that I will continue to fight. And I'll continue to journey through this freaking hard season so that I can come out on the other side more firmly planted in the foundation that is my Father's love than I've ever been. To be a more pure and holy reflection of Him than I was a year ago, a week ago, or a moment ago. In every victory I'll praise Him. And in every moment that I'm struggling - and believe me, there's more of those than I care to count... in those moments, I'll remember that His mercies are new every morning.
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