Desperate

Hunger will always be an option until desperation becomes a demand.

You know, there are times when you can ignore hunger. And if you’re a tech or a worship leader, you probably understand this more than most. Sound checks, set designs, service productions, they all take precedence over food, sleep, breathing… okay maybe not the last one. Although there are times. However, even for those of us who understand the physical sacrifice necessary to lead people into an encounter with the Lord, there does still come a point when our bodies turn from that annoying ache and growl that we can tune out, to a loud roar and shutting down of normal functions due to lack of food. Tempers get short, minds go foggy, mistakes happen… Yep. It’s time for some food.

Our spiritual lives are the same way. Jesus wasn’t kidding when He said we live by every word that proceeds from the mouth of God. His Word is life. And when we don’t eat, this same progression happens.

A few days without intentional time in God’s presence, in His Word, may not kill you. In fact, at first, it might not even noticeably affect you. It may start as an ache, a twinge in your heart that says maybe something’s wrong. It can easily be mistaken for boredom, discontentedness, what have you. It can also easily be silenced by doing more - meeting with more people, working on more projects, going to more events. The hunger may increase in noise and become a longing, a brokenness. A cry for intimacy. But maybe you’re lonely. Maybe you just need to have more friends, or be more intentional with the ones you have. Or maybe there’s an insecurity you need to work through - or a storm to battle through. Anything to run harder.

But if you ignore that ache long enough, eventually there will come a moment when desperation sets in. In that moment, your spirit will be so loud, that whether you recognize it or not, you will be forced to make a choice. Either you feed your spirit, or you die. When desperation becomes a demand, you cannot walk away unchanged. And in that moment, your entire world shifts. When you decide that you cannot remain where you are, God invades. His power can move mountains and bring you to a new season of life that is beyond your wildest dreams. But you have to be in the right place for Him to do so. You must be desperate.

And this, my friends, is exactly where I stand right now. To say these past six months have been a storm would compete for understatement of the century. And if I’m going to be perfectly honest, I’ve rather hated it. I’ve had my entire world crumble before my eyes, and I have no idea how to handle it. Nothing is consistent in my life anymore, and what I once took for granted has been stripped away. My friends, my family, the leadership roles I’ve had, the place I call home, the job I had… my identity. It’s all changed. And in the midst of it all has been this longing, this brokenness, this yearning inside of me for something more. Sometimes I recognize it as God’s reminder to seek Him above all else. Most of the time, I mistake it for a human loneliness, or a need to work harder, or to dig deeper to work through yet another area of brokenness in my already torn heart. And in all reality, every single one of those areas have rung true in many instances. I am struggling with loneliness… purposelessness… lack of vision… brokenness. However. The bigger struggle is the aching reminder that all too often I don't turn to the only One who can fill me and satisfy me. My daily time in God’s presence never used to be an issue - since starting work, I’ve waged war to keep it consistent. The lack of a schedule, flipping my schedule constantly, and a million things pulling on me all at once have presented a bigger mountain than I’ve faced in this area. And right now, I am feeling the effects. I’m coming to a point in my heart where I am so frustrated, and confused, and torn, and discontent, that it’s all I can do to not throw my hands up, scream, and walk away from everything. But I’m also reaching a point with the Lord where He is truly my only answer. I’m standing at a crossroads, not knowing where to go or when to go, and being forced once again to completely trust the One who holds my world. Hard? Well beyond that. But worth it? Absolutely. I may be in the middle of the storm right now, but I know that at the end of this road, the collision between heaven and earth in my life will be so powerful, so beautiful, and so defining, that I will say it was worth it all.

Hunger will always be an option until desperation becomes a demand. 

When change knocks on your door

Sitting in a coffee shop, watching some high school and college students work behind the register... So carefree. Flexible schedules. Where the most demanding thing you'll deal with all day is a customer yelling at you for getting their iced quad shot venti lite caramel macchiato wrong. :) Or maybe having machines malfunction once in a while.

Meanwhile I sit here. Studying for my boards exam. Knowing that, pending passing the NCLEX, I will be responsible for people's lives in a matter of weeks. Part of me wishes I could go back to that stage of life. When my responsibilities really weren't that big a deal. I wasn't held accountable for someone's LIFE. Or even as someone involved in ministry, being somewhat responsible for a person's heart and actions.

Sometimes change is a choice. A transfer to another school, looking for a different part-time job, or volunteering in another ministry in the church. But sometimes it comes knocking and you have no choice but to answer and allow it to shift your world around.

I sit here with a degree in my hand, a job waiting for me, and more ministry opportunities than I know what to do with, and I know I have to let the change in. As a teen I dreamed of going out and changing the world; now I've been given the tools to begin to take action on those dreams and callings. And to be perfectly honest, sometimes that scares me. Knowing that I can never go back to the life I had. I'm called to a higher purpose than simply getting an education, going to church, and being a good sister and daughter. I have begun to build a foundation of faithfulness and obedience to the One who called me by name, and with that comes greater responsibility. The opportunities I've been given are only a stepping stone along a greater path God is now calling me to walk. Scary? Yes.

But in all reality? I would never go back even if I could. Change came knocking four years ago when I entered college, and when I finally let it in, I experienced more of God than I thought possible. Change may be out of my comfort zone, but it also brings comfort, because it means the broken things in my life don't have to stay broken.

Four years ago, my relationships with  my family were often broken at best. Because I let change in, God has brought such restoration that I can't even figure out why in the world I wasted 19 years of my life in brokenness and anger.

Four years ago I was left bitter and disillusioned with a terrible track record of friendships. Because I let change in, Jesus has given me friends who love me fiercely, deeply, loyally, and uncompromisingly.

Four years ago I had no idea how to do ministry in any capacity. Because I let change in, I've learned to be sensitive to the Holy Spirit in leading small groups, one-on-one ministry, worship, tech, and many other facets.

Four years ago I wasn't even sure I'd make it into the nursing program. Because I let change in, I stand here today feeling overwhelmed on my own, but confident in who I am as a daughter of the King and Creator, knowing I can be victorious and someday be the best nurse in an entire hospital.

See a pattern? Change can look overwhelmingly terrifying when it comes knocking. But when you open the door, you find that Jesus has promised to be by your side the whole time. And really, what else do you need?

James 1:5
"If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask of God, who gives freely to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him."

5 Love Languages for Techies

Though this was written with a humorous slant to it, this article has so much truth in it I can't help but think "If only people actually understood this." So. If you're ever looking to really - REALLY - show love to a techie, I would suggest going this route. Seriously. This fits me better than Gary Chapman's Five Love Languages. I've given a few of my own thoughts on each section of this article as well, which are all in brackets. Enjoy!

 

You’ve heard of the Five Languages of Love. Those are for normal people. For techies, a different approach is required.

by Mike Sessler 

Words of Affirmation

This doesn’t look different, but the implications are far greater. Most techies only hear words of dis-affirmation; “The mic’s not working,” “The camera is out of focus,” “It’s too loud,” “The light is in my eyes,” “It’s too soft...” the list goes on. The quickest way to a techie’s heart is to tell them they’ve done something well. This is good advice for anyone, but it’s important to know that techies are used to dealing with a barrage of complaints on a regular basis. Thus, any time anyone has anything to say to them, they are typically on the defensive from the start. In fact, I know some techs who never hear anything from leadership except criticism. I suggest saying a few positive things here and there; it makes it a lot easier to hear criticism when it’s appropriate.

[True. Words of affirmation is one of my top love languages, and as a techie, well... like the article said. It can be rough sometimes.]

Be On Time

This looks similar to Quality time, but it’s quite different. Most techies I know are First In, Last Out (or as we say in the trade—FILO). At our church, my tech team arrives at noon on Saturday, and doesn’t leave until everyone else is gone. On Sunday morning we’re the first in again at 7:30, and are still coiling cables long after everyone else has a table at Chilli’s. We show up early because we want to make sure everything is set up and ready to go when the band arrives making sound check and rehearsal as quick and productive as possible. Want to exasperate a techie who’s already been there since 7:30? Show up late, then take your time getting your station set up, then act impatient during the soundcheck process. It’s no fun to sit around for 30 minutes with nothing to do while waiting for the band to show up, especially if we’re blamed for sound check running long (and we usually are). Be in place and ready to go when you’re supposed to be and your techie will feel very loved.

[Story. Of. My. Life. Psalm 15 talks about the qualities of the one who can walk with God, and one verse says "he swears to his own hurt and does not change." In other words, you keep your word no matter the cost. And if you've agreed to the times for rehearsals, or meetings, or whatever, just be there.]

Decent Swag
Similar to receiving gifts, we like it when gear manufacturers show up with good swag, plain and simple. In the last few years, with the economy suffering, the quality of swag has gone downhill. This does not show love. If we’re going to spend a whole day on a show floor, walking around looking at gear and eating sub-standard convention center food, we want to at least take home some decent stuff. EV gave me a sweet little Leatherman mini multi-tool over Christmas. I felt loved. Yamaha gave me a really nice fleece coat. I felt loved. A pen with your company logo on it? Not so much. Unless it’s a Pilot G-2 .5 mm black. Then maybe. But I can get those at Staples. And it’s easy. So probably not.

[This would be my brother... :)]

Acts of Load-In and Load-Out
We techies do a lot of work. We move Steeldeck, road cases, cables, lights, speakers, mics, drum kits, guitar amps and so on. The guys and gals who work in a portable church setting are deserving of special recognition. The Bible tells us that many hands make for light work, and the same is true for what we do. If you see two guys pushing a bunch of cases in, ask if you can help. Please ask, because sometimes we have a system and your help doesn’t, well, help. Most times though, and extra set of hands of two can really make our lives easier. It’s also important to note that techies are not technically janitors, though that’s not apparent in our day to day lives. Almost every week we pick up bottles of water (most of them opened with .25 ounces missing--the classic one-swig per bottle), sandwich wrappers, broken drum sticks and various other detritus left behind by the musicians. If you want to share some love with your tech team, pick up your own trash.

[Or at least have some appreciation for the work techies put in to make bands/worship teams/pastors/etc look flawless.]

Food
Specifically, bacon. Forget touch, we like to eat. As I said, we work really hard, and we do so for long hours. Having a steady stream of food makes the tech booth a happy place to be. I know of one non-techie church leader who used to regularly bring the tech team treats, lunch, donuts, coffee, whatever (Jan, you’re a hero to all techies everywhere!). Do you think her tech team was happy and would do just about anything? You bet! Here at Coast, we have a great group of volunteers who bring breakfast every Sunday morning. A big steaming plate of bacon sure takes the edge of a 7:30 AM call time. We also have people bring in lunch and dinner during really big production seasons like Christmas and Easter. I can work 12 hours a day a lot easier when lunch and dinner show up at regular intervals.

[As a techie, I often forget that most people can't function if they're hungry. I've worked so many shows/concerts/etc where food just isn't an option where time is concerned, so we just go hungry. And usually it's so late when we get home at night that I would rather sleep than eat. Want to bless your tech team? Or your worship team, for that matter... Feed them. It makes things run a lot smoother when we're not hungry and tired because of an empty stomach.]

[This section holds my only exception to this article... Unlike many techies, I am VERY much a physical touch person. Rough night? A hug can go a long ways....... Trust me.]

So there you go. A few quick thoughts on how to show love to your local tech crew. A well-loved and appreciated tech crew will move mountains for you; learning their love languages is an investment worth making.

Family

Three years ago last week, a good friend of mine was killed in a freak accident. Dustin was a freshman in college, as was I, when he was hit by a car in the middle of a snow storm, and he died in the hospital a couple days later.

The raw pain I and so many others felt over losing him still rears its head sometimes. Like today. It's still hard to believe someone so passionate, so full of life, so full of the love of Jesus, could be taken so abruptly. It's a sobering reminder of just how fragile life is, and it's a challenge to constantly check my heart and ask the question "If this was my last breath, would I be okay with standing before God and giving an account for my life?" And it's a battle to keep an eternal mindset. To remember that, though it hurts today, and I'll miss him for as long as I draw breath in this life, eventually, we'll all be in the same place, for all of eternity.

I still miss him. I miss his smile, his majorly wacky sense of humor, his talent as a musician, his love for Jesus and for those around him... I can still see him playing on the drums, closing his eyes and zoning out, giving me that goofy grin as he purposely starts messing around with the beat of a song, just to see my reaction on the piano. I miss hearing the excitement in his voice as he talked about the dreams he had for the classmates he'd started bringing with him to Chi Alpha or church. This side of heaven, I don't think I'll ever understand why he was taken from earth, practically before his life had even begun.

But. In that awful week, I did begin to understand one thing. For the first time, I felt first-hand what it meant to be a part of the family of God. That week, and in the weeks following, God surrounded me with friends who, for the first time in my life, showed me the love and support I'd so often given to others. Throughout high school, I walked a number of friends through some pretty rough situations. I'd done my best to be a rock of support, and to always be there for them and just love them the way Jesus does. It never really occurred to me that someone would do the same for me. And not even just one someone. That week I had more friends pouring into me, loving on me, and just being there for me, than I ever could have asked for. I could tell you story after story of how my friends were Jesus with skin on to me.

And since then, that love has only become more real to me. I am continually astonished at the unconditional love I'm shown. I don't deserve it, and I don't understand it. But it sure makes it easier to understand the Father's love. And it also makes it a lot easier to pour it out into the lives of those around me. After all, that's what being a part of God's family is all about.

"Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of all compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God. For just as the sufferings of Christ flow over into our lives, so also through Christ our comfort overflows."
~2 Corinthians 1:3-5

Inheritance

Matthew 13:31-32
"He told them another parable: 'The kingdom of heaven is like a mustard seed, which a man took and planted in his field. Though it is the smallest of all seeds, yet when it grows, it is the largest of garden plants and becomes a tree, so that the birds come and perch in its branches.'"

 If there is one distinction I have been learning about the difference between the world and the kingdom of my God, it is this: a kingdom-minded person will gladly build an inheritance. Their work is never their own, and they gladly push through obstacles so that their ceiling may become someone else's floor.

We read in Ecclesiastes 2 that the man living under the sun (i.e. apart from intimacy with God) gets ticked off when he realizes that all his work is going to someone else. "I hated all the things I had toiled for under the sun, because I must leave them to the one who comes after me. And who knows whether that person will be wise or foolish? Yet they will have control over all the fruit of my toil into which I have poured my effort and skill under the sun. This too is meaningless." (Ecc. 2:18-19)

If we live with the sole purpose of fulfilling our own desires and dreams, it makes sense that we won't be happy when we realize someone else might benefit from - or even waste - all our efforts. However, if we start seeing our lives through God's eyes, we see an interesting paradigm. The entire point of our lives is to set the next generation up for an even greater revelation of God's glory and presence.

The thing about the seed planted in this parable is that the man who planted it would never see the final product. It would take years upon years for that seed to grow to the tree spoken of at the end of the story.  It may take three or four generations to see the full extent of fruit of your labor. Therefore, the question needs to be asked: Will you work for something you may never benefit from?

You know a man is kingdom-minded when he willingly and passionately builds an inheritance he will never see, for someone he will never know.

Righteous Man or Relentless God?

I recently heard a sermon that completely shattered my view on a person that I once considered to be a hero of the Bible.

That man was Job. When most of us think of Job, we think of the man who did no wrong, yet lost everything. One who remained faithful to God, and whose life was restored to him at the end of his days. However, if we dig a bit deeper, we find that that's not actually the case.

At the beginning of his life, Job did not know God. He was arrogant, self-righteous, and had no understanding of God's heart. Sounds a bit like someone else I know...

Don't believe me? Let's go take a look at Job 1. It says that he was blameless before God, that he feared God and shunned evil. On the surface, it looks pretty good. But if we look at the Hebrew roots of these words, we come to an interesting conclusion. The word translated as blameless or righteous actually means self-righteous. He prided himself on the fact that he did no wrong. The word used here for the fear of the Lord means just that: FEAR. Not the awe-filled reverence for His holiness; outright terror of God. And if we go a bit further down in the chapter, we understand why. Job didn't know God's heart. We read a story about how his kids would have huge celebrations all the time. Like, massive, leave-nothing-undone, no-wine-untasted kind of raging parties. And whenever they would finish, Job would get up the next morning and offer sacrifices to God for them, in case they sinned. Again on the surface, some may say "Well, Job was being a good dad, looking out for the well-being of his kids." But look at his actions. If Job truly understood God's heart, he would know that God desires obedience from the heart, not sacrifices.

We see this lack of understanding continue even after Job has everything stripped away from him. Instead of recognizing his own pride and seeking God's forgiveness and mercy, he basically shakes his fist at God and says "I want my day in court!"

Quite the switch from the humble, can-do-no-wrong guy normally portrayed, huh? Yet I see such a similarity to my own selfish heart in his story.

So you may be wondering, what is the rest of his story about? I believe the point of his story is simply this: God will do whatever it takes to bring you back to Him.

I mean, let's take a look at the rest of the story. God could have looked at Job's arrogant heart and moved on. Instead, He basically says "Hey, I love this man, and I'm going to do whatever it takes to bring his prideful heart back to Me." So what does He do? He starts baiting Satan. When Satan comes before God, He says "Hey, have you checked out Job lately?" And what is Satan's knee-jerk response to someone God's interested in? "God wants him? I'll kill him!" I love this. God uses His enemy to bring about a man's redemption. Though this seems to be a recurring theme throughout the Bible... :) So God allows Satan to strip Job of everything he has, everything he is. And for a while, Job's arrogance continues, but eventually, he comes face to face with the living God and falls down in awe of His mercy and holiness.

And at the end of the day, Job not only has his life restored to him, but he has his heart of stone replaced with a heart of flesh.

So my encouragement for you today is this: my God is relentlessly pursuing you. He will stop at nothing to have all of you.

That's how much He loves you.

No one mourns the wicked

Yes, that title is also the title to a song in a rather popular musical. And yes, it's been running through my head for the last week. And actually, it's made its way to my heart. And wrecked it. Funny how God works sometimes...

For those of you who don't know, "No one mourns the wicked" is a song from the musical Wicked. And for the record. It's a fantastic musical. It's the back-story of the Wicked Witch of the West in The Wizard of Oz. It will change your perspective on the entire story. And the set and stage production are enough to make my jaw bleed from scraping the ground for so long.

But anyhow.

This song is one of the first sung in the musical. It's an ensemble piece right after the Wicked Witch is killed. Some of the lyrics say "No one mourns the wicked. No one cries 'They won't return!'... Goodness knows the wickeds' lives are lonely..." and so forth. Truth? Yes. Problem? Well, actually I think the problem is the answer to that question. Most would say no. But I think the answer should be a resounding yes. Since when did we get so cold and proud as to celebrate when the wicked die? When their lonely lives come to an abrupt, violent end? When their hearts are so desperately lonely and disappointed by the harsh judgment bestowed on them that they lash out and do the only thing they see fit?

Now just to be clear. I am not, by any means, justifying wicked acts. Sin is sin, and it must be dealt with. What I am saying is that maybe, just maybe, if we would reach out to the wicked in love and mercy, maybe they wouldn't see wickedness as their only means of escape. Ever heard the old adage, "love the sinner, hate the sin"? I think as Christians we've forgotten that. Jesus didn't come to the world to condemn it. He came to save it. Sin will be judged. Each one of us will be held accountable. But instead of celebrating when people like Saddam Hussein or Ted Bundy die, what if we actually heard, and felt, the heart of Jesus and wept over them? And what if we took it a step further and reached out before they got to that point?

Maybe if someone mourned the wicked, the wicked wouldn't be so wicked.

To Be Faithful

I'm a senior.

This is my last year as a college student.

My last one.

Sometimes I thought this day would never come. It still sounds weird coming out of my mouth. I only have 9 more months on campus.

That fact has been hitting me hardcore these last couple of weeks. And with it comes the question, "How will I make it count?" Am I living in such a way that people will know I love and serve Jesus - even if I never say a word? What kind of impact have I had on people - and how much of an impact will I have this year? How do I make this count?

I've heard a very interesting thought process on this over the past few years. Many leaders I know and greatly respect have kind of taken possession of the phrase "Leave nothing undone." Their philosophy has been something to this extent: "Do everything you can now, and pour all you are into everything you do; because the last thing you want is to walk away from this campus thinking 'I could have done more.' Leave nothing undone."

And while I agree to an extent on the fact that we do need to give everything we are, I think sometimes we get too wrapped up in making sure we're doing everything we can. But let's take a moment to look at the ultimate model of what our life should look like: the life of Jesus Himself. He did a lot - understatement, actually. He did SO much; healed the sick, raised the dead, discipled the foundation of the church, preached to thousands upon thousands, etc., etc. But the thing is, when you really stop to think about it, Jesus could have done more. He could have reached more people, fed more crowds, healed more sick... He could have. But the thing is, even though He didn't do everything He could do, He did everything He was supposed to do.

See the difference?

My life is not about doing everything I can do. It's about being faithful to do everything I'm supposed to do. I'm not so concerned with looking back at my college career and thinking "Well I could have given more time, money, effort, etc, into (fill in the blank)," as I am concerned with looking back and thinking "I was supposed to do (whatever) and didn't." Because let's be honest. If I give absolutely everything I am into everything around me, just for the sake of "leaving nothing undone," I'm eventually going to spread myself so thin that I'll be rendered useless in every area. And yes, sometimes that means not doing what would seem to be the "ideal" ministry service. Maybe, instead of going to that social event where you would potentially meet 6 new people who would want to join your small group, it means going and studying with that one classmate who's been contemplating suicide - until you stepped in and showed that you cared. Or maybe it means washing dishes or tearing a stage down after a meal or service instead of socializing with everyone. The "best" ministry is not always the most obvious, or the most (seemingly) fruitful. I don't really care how far I reach; I care about reaching in the right direction. A very wise pastor of mine once said "Your reward is not based on your call; it's based on your faithfulness." It doesn't matter what your ministry looks like, or how many things you're pouring into; what matters is giving everything you are into what God's called you to pour into. Anything else is a waste of time and effort.

And just remember, no matter what God's called you to do, He'll take care of the results. All you have to do is be faithful.

Condemnation vs. Restoration

Elijah has become one of my biggest biblical heroes lately. This man's life challenges and inspires me like no other. More than that, who he was resonates deeply within my soul. His story has been teaching me a lot lately, so I want to share a bit of it with you.

If you've never read 1 Kings 18 and 19, go read it. Before you read any further here. Done? Alright. Quite the story, huh? So much can be taken from both chapters, but I want to focus on the latter part. So, to sum it up, basically God works through Elijah to totally destroy the priests of Baal and show Israel who's really on the throne; then within 24 hours Jezebel gets so mad she sends word to Elijah saying she's gonna kill him. Nice lady. Elijah gets scared and runs into the desert, completely hopeless and frustrated.

Story. Of. My Life. God does something absolutely incredible in my life or through me - something tangible, something that leaves me speechless at His utter awesomeness. Then within a day, the enemy attacks and leaves me feeling hopeless and helpless. And what to I do? I run into the desert. I get frustrated and my perspective gets wayyy off base. I throw a pity party. Seriously. Happens All. The. Time.

And every time it does, I have this idea in my head that God's probably looking at me, shaking His head, saying "Really Andrea? Did you not see what I JUST did not even a day ago? Have you forgotten already? Come on, girl. Get your priorities straight. Fix your perspective." That's what I thought when I read Elijah's story the other day, too. In fact, I expected that to be the outcome; never mind the fact that I've ready this story probably a hundred times. But guess what? That's not God's response at all. When Elijah first collapsed under the broom tree in the desert, after telling God he may as well die because his life is worthless, God does the opposite of what Elijah deserved. He sent an angel to bring him food and tell him to rest. For two days food was provided and Elijah rested. Sometimes all we really need is to rest. I get teased about it a lot sometimes, but one thing this semester has taught me is to value my rest. There are times that I skip social events, church events, and yes, even class once in a while, simply because I need the sleep. I know I can function on low amounts of sleep, but everyone around me pays for it. And it's not fair for them to have to put up with my short temper and wild emotions just because I'm tired. It's amazing how often I'll go to bed near tears for whatever reason, and after a decent night's sleep, will wake up with a completely different attitude.

After Elijah had rested, God came and asked him what was going on. Still frustrated, Elijah basically said "Dude, I'm sick of all of this. I'm trying my best to live for You, but it's not worth it anymore. I'm the only one left serving You, and now the queen's after my life too! What the heck did You put me here for?!" And once again, God didn't get on his case and correct him. He simply said "Come outside, because My presence is passing by." Wow. How quick we are to forget that His presence is truly ALL we need. In His presence is fullness of joy, and that joy is our strength. We're made whole in His presence. Our fellowship with Him is restored. We are made righteous by touching His holiness. It just amazes me that God didn't even say "Get your attitude right, and then come into My presence." He just said "Come." I know that it's His presence that makes us right again, but I still struggle with the mentality that I have to clean myself up before I can approach Him. But He simply wants me.

And when Elijah did enter into God's presence, he still found no condemnation. God asked him again what was going on, and Elijah said the exact same thing. Yet instead of correcting Elijah, even now that they were together, God simply restored Elijah's vision and purpose. He told him where to go and what to do - He also showed Elijah that he wasn't alone in serving God. And here too I see a parallel in my own life. When I am in God's presence, my vision is restored. He shows me the plans He has for me, and gently redirects my focus onto what really matters. And very often He'll send people along to encourage me. But there's never condemnation. "There is therefore, now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus." (Romans 8:1)

Now, does that mean that we shouldn't strive to remember and stand on God's past faithfulness? Of course not. That very practice is foundational to our ability to stand in the hard times. And I'm not saying God never disciplines us. The only way to be made holy is to have what's unholy stripped away. What I am saying is that we need to remember to run to His presence when we're frustrated. And never, ever feel like you should be feeling or thinking differently. God will take care of that, too. And with no condemnation - instead, He'll completely restore your fellowship with Him.

Keep Seeking

I've made it a goal to try to blog at least once a week. The combination of having no extra time to write and yet having so much to say made me think maybe an hour once a week would be a good goal. But as I sit here tonight, no words or profound thoughts are coming. I just want God's presence. I crave it. There are no words that describe the hunger in my soul right now. I am made whole in His presence. My vision is restored. My perspective adjusted. My joy and contentment overflowing.

Yet how often do I actually go to that place - that place where I sit in His presence and don't leave until I am changed? Not nearly enough. All too often I make my quiet time an item on my to-do list - if that. If I'm being totally honest here, there are days that I blow it off and don't even spend five intentional minutes with the One I call my best friend. And when I do that, it shows. My life seems to fall apart at the seams. The smallest things bother me. I get frustrated when my friends let me down after expecting them to give me what only He can. I burn out and blow everything out of proportion.

Like today. By this afternoon, I was upset at a couple of my dearest friends, through no fault of their own. I was searching in them for something they are not responsible for giving me. I was complaining about school, about life, and everything else I could think of. And as I sat on my bed trying to figure out why I was in such a bad mood, I finally stopped long enough to hear God say "Umm, hello. I'm still here waiting. MY presence is what you need - not anything else." So I turned on some worship music and grabbed my Bible. I started at my default place - the Psalms. Seriously. If you ever need a place to let out any emotion or just be reminded to praise God for who He is.... Soo pretty much any time any where, go read the Psalms. Twenty minutes later I was worshiping and letting God fill me again. His presence is what I need. It's all I seek. To sit at His feet and let Him overwhelm me and send me to my knees and leave me speechless is what will change me. What makes me like Him. I can't be made into the image of someone I don't spend any time with.

Sometimes we get so caught up in trying to fill our little cup with water from our own sources that we don't realize God's trying to give us His ocean. If I could leave you with one thought for the day, it would be this: Seek His presence first. And always. It's the only thing that truly satisfies. Let go of your other sources of joy, of vision, of direction. When you're confused or burned out or frustrated, go lock yourself in your room, grab your Bible, put on some worship music if you want, and just seek God. And if you're seeking Him and hearing or feeling or seeing nothing, keep seeking Him. Turn your phone off and put your computer away and don't leave until you've been changed. If you've truly spent time in God's manifest presence, it will show. Always. He honors the heart that truly seeks Him. He shows up. And nothing is ever the same.

"Keep on asking, and it will be given to you. Keep on seeking, and you will find. Keep on knocking, and the door will be opened to you." ~Matthew 7:7