The Leap

I jumped off a cliff last week.

Now, for those of you who don't quite understand the ridiculousness of that statement coming out of my mouth, let me break it down. I am terrified of heights. Just the thought of climbing on top of a step ladder gets my knees shaking sometimes. Now, that's not to say that I avoid heights; I do tend to be pretty fearless. I've been known to do some crazy things, and it doesn't particularly hinder my life. But unless my set designer is asking me to climb on top of scaffolding to rope some lights up, I don't really go looking for reasons to face that fear.

However. Sometimes life presents itself with learning opportunities that are too convenient to pass up. Such was the case last week. My creative team at our church had ventured out to the St. Cloud quarries about a month ago to shoot a sermon bumper* that involved someone running & jumping off a cliff (into water, for the record. Researched beforehand and perfectly safe). It's an incredible video, and probably one of my proudest achievements thus far. The scenery was beautiful, and it was pretty fun to watch a friend take that leap... over and over and over, as you filmmakers well know. :) After going out there the first time, I started itching to go back and do the jump myself. Like I said, it's a gorgeous place, in the middle of a natural reserve, and the water's great for swimming in too. With my brother moving in just a few short days, we decided it'd be a great way to spend one last Saturday together. So we packed up and headed out there early Saturday morning, and spent half the day at the quarry, swimming, talking, climbing, and of course, cliff jumping.

Let me tell you. There is nothing in the world like the feeling you get when you jump off a cliff. I cannot even put into words the feelings and thoughts that fly through your mind as you fly through the air. The moment your foot leaves the edge, there's an instant scream of "Shoot. What have I done?!" And then you have an eternity to think about it as you careen into the water. But then. The rush that happens when your head pops up from the water is beyond words. If you're like me, you're probably hyperventilating with a heart rate in the 200's; scenes from Tangled come to mind as you mirror Rapunzel's thought process of a terrified "I can't believe I did that." growing to an exhilarated "I CAN'T BELIEVE I DID THAT!" And then you think "I've got to do that again!"

But can I be honest? The next time I got up to the top of the cliff, jumping was even scarier than the time before. I knew the terror that would fill my mind and body when I got to the edge after running. Yes, I also knew the rush awaiting me, but that didn't diminish the fear that came first. It still required a decision to take off running and not stop. The "what have I done" moment was still there. And the rush was still waiting for me at the bottom (as were a few nasty bruises this time around).

All that to say. I see a host of lessons to be learned in that process. We talked about it on our hike back to the car afterward. See, my brother and I are both in rather similar places in life. We've made decisions on the direction our lives are taking in the next nine months or so, and in all honesty, neither of us have any idea what awaits us, or what in the world we're doing after that. All either of us know is that these are the doors the Lord has opened before us, and if that's what it takes to walk with Him, that's what we'll do. And as we've begun to walk through those doors, we've been reminded again.

Walking by faith is often like jumping off a cliff. You know the next step the Lord has asked you to take, but you also know it's terrifying. So many unanswered questions, and so many unknowns. How am I supposed to do that? Will I be able to pay my bills? Who's going to be there for me? Will I end up alone? What next? How is that going to prepare me for the next season? Where will I live? What if I don't agree with everything I'm doing - even if it's not wrong? How can I be a light in the darkness? How am I supposed to preach the gospel if there's no platform? What if I lose my community? These and a thousand more questions often flood our minds and can leave us absolutely frozen in fear if we stand there long enough. But like I said, faith is often like jumping off a cliff. Stand there at the edge long enough and you'll talk yourself out of it every time. The thing we have to learn to do is take a running leap. Because when you run out over the edge, the decision is made five steps before you get there. There's no stopping, and when the "what have I done" moment comes, all you can do is scream as you jump. But, like the end of the jump, the end result of walking by faith is always the same. It's the only safe response to the calling of your Savior. He will always provide. He will always be faithful. And when you do reach the water, you'll look back and think "Man, that was fun. Why would I ever want to live any other way?"

And to be honest, the next time the Lord asks you to take a leap, it may be just as scary. In fact, sometimes it'll be even more terrifying. Just because you know the outcome doesn't mean fear ceases to exist. And the next time, you might have to start running even earlier. But it's not God's job to make you do things fearlessly. It's your job to do things while you're still afraid. Because by doing so, we're choosing to rely not on our logic, but on God's perfect love, which casts out fear. And with every moment of trust comes a moment of rejoicing as you can look back on your life and see God's constant faithfulness.


*Click here to see the sermon bumper I mentioned above. Video credit: Matthew Dunham, Andrea Steele, Keely Ronnevik. Property of First Assembly Creative Team.