When change knocks on your door

Sitting in a coffee shop, watching some high school and college students work behind the register... So carefree. Flexible schedules. Where the most demanding thing you'll deal with all day is a customer yelling at you for getting their iced quad shot venti lite caramel macchiato wrong. :) Or maybe having machines malfunction once in a while.

Meanwhile I sit here. Studying for my boards exam. Knowing that, pending passing the NCLEX, I will be responsible for people's lives in a matter of weeks. Part of me wishes I could go back to that stage of life. When my responsibilities really weren't that big a deal. I wasn't held accountable for someone's LIFE. Or even as someone involved in ministry, being somewhat responsible for a person's heart and actions.

Sometimes change is a choice. A transfer to another school, looking for a different part-time job, or volunteering in another ministry in the church. But sometimes it comes knocking and you have no choice but to answer and allow it to shift your world around.

I sit here with a degree in my hand, a job waiting for me, and more ministry opportunities than I know what to do with, and I know I have to let the change in. As a teen I dreamed of going out and changing the world; now I've been given the tools to begin to take action on those dreams and callings. And to be perfectly honest, sometimes that scares me. Knowing that I can never go back to the life I had. I'm called to a higher purpose than simply getting an education, going to church, and being a good sister and daughter. I have begun to build a foundation of faithfulness and obedience to the One who called me by name, and with that comes greater responsibility. The opportunities I've been given are only a stepping stone along a greater path God is now calling me to walk. Scary? Yes.

But in all reality? I would never go back even if I could. Change came knocking four years ago when I entered college, and when I finally let it in, I experienced more of God than I thought possible. Change may be out of my comfort zone, but it also brings comfort, because it means the broken things in my life don't have to stay broken.

Four years ago, my relationships with  my family were often broken at best. Because I let change in, God has brought such restoration that I can't even figure out why in the world I wasted 19 years of my life in brokenness and anger.

Four years ago I was left bitter and disillusioned with a terrible track record of friendships. Because I let change in, Jesus has given me friends who love me fiercely, deeply, loyally, and uncompromisingly.

Four years ago I had no idea how to do ministry in any capacity. Because I let change in, I've learned to be sensitive to the Holy Spirit in leading small groups, one-on-one ministry, worship, tech, and many other facets.

Four years ago I wasn't even sure I'd make it into the nursing program. Because I let change in, I stand here today feeling overwhelmed on my own, but confident in who I am as a daughter of the King and Creator, knowing I can be victorious and someday be the best nurse in an entire hospital.

See a pattern? Change can look overwhelmingly terrifying when it comes knocking. But when you open the door, you find that Jesus has promised to be by your side the whole time. And really, what else do you need?

James 1:5
"If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask of God, who gives freely to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him."