New Every Morning

I probably wouldn't even know it's a new year if I hadn't spent half of one shift at the hospital signing and dating things in 2013, and the other half as 2014. Alas, a new year is upon us, and with that comes... A new me. Right? Or maybe not. I have heard the old "New year, new me" cliche so many times in the last week it makes me want to throw up. Seriously. Or maybe punch a wall. Or both. In the rare moments that I did think about the year turning over and becoming new, I also thought about all the new resolutions being made this week. Promises that often don't change, and rarely are seen realized. Yet we continue to claim that "this year will be different!" It breaks me to see someone continue to fight through the same battles, and it frustrates me to watch others make the same promises. And both to hold on to some weird thought that January 1st will change things. You know what comes to my mind in all of this? "His mercies are new every morning; great is Thy faithfulness." I guess somewhere inside of me I get that the start of the year is a reminder to start anew; but what if instead, we chose to remember that every morning we have the ability to start over? That instead of standing under a cloud of oppression and shame over the things we've struggled with, waiting for that one chance to get out, we looked up and realized that God never runs out of brand new mercy and grace? The moment to start running after something new doesn't come around on one day a year; it begins the moment you hear your Maker calling your name.

I've changed in the last year. And by last year I don't mean last week when it was 2013. These last six months have been quite possibly the hardest six months of my entire life. And in all honesty, I don't particularly anticipate the next six months to be any different. Or easier. Work is hard. Being a nurse - what's more, being a night nurse - is hard. Growing up is hard. Losing friends and community is hard. Finishing a part of a calling on your life and having no stinking clue where to go after that is hard. And learning to remain faithful to your word, work, ministry, etc, and staying where you know you're supposed to, while you know God is calling and preparing you for something else, somewhere else, after that is freaking hard. I'm not going to pretend that the start of a new year can bring a change in me or my circumstances. That doesn't happen overnight. What I can say is that I will continue to fight. And I'll continue to journey through this freaking hard season so that I can come out on the other side more firmly planted in the foundation that is my Father's love than I've ever been. To be a more pure and holy reflection of Him than I was a year ago, a week ago, or a moment ago. In every victory I'll praise Him. And in every moment that I'm struggling - and believe me, there's more of those than I care to count... in those moments, I'll remember that His mercies are new every morning.