I will hold nothing back

Worship is not just the songs I sing; it is my lifestyle. It will be passionate. It will be driven. It will demand an explanation. I will be open; I will be vulnerable. I will stay broken and humble at the feet of Jesus. I will live with such intensity that I must continually seek God's presence so I don't burn out. I will seek God first in everything. I will be filled so I can pour myself out over and over. I will desire nothing but to sit at the feet of Jesus and cry, "Holy, holy, holy, Lord God Almighty, who was and is and is to come." I will live for the glory of my Savior.

7.12.2010

WARNING: Long update with LOTS of pictures!

Well the last few weeks have certainly been, well, eventful. We had a great 4th of July weekend, coaching baseball Saturday, fireworks Sunday night, and just hanging around and resting. I thoroughly enjoyed my day off, because I then had to put in 40 hours in 4 days at the daycare; not something I would want to make a habit. But hey, it's paying for college, right?




And then there was our camping fiasco. Let me tell you, the Adventures of Camping with the Steeles gets worse each year. And this year Mom and I have decided that it was the grand finale; at least as far as tent-camping goes. My family left Sunday afternoon (July 11th), and I joined them on Tuesday after working Monday and Tuesday. I had to wait out a tornado warning before going down, and at one point had to pull over on the interstate because it was raining so hard I couldn't see. At all. But I made it down around 9 Tuesday night, and enjoyed a nice bonfire.


The sky was perfectly clear, and the stars were gorgeous when we went to bed that night around midnight. Then, around 2 Wednesday morning, the lightening started up. At first it was just heat lightening, which isn't dangerous, but annoying because it lights up the tents to the extent that I couldn't go back to sleep. Finally, around 2:45 I fell asleep for about 15 minutes. Then the next thing I knew my entire bed was moving. Inside the tent! That's how hard the wind was blowing. My mom came to our tent and yelled "Grab the dog and get in the car!" So I had Carl take the dog, I reached for my phone, among other things, and we made our way out of the tent. Just as we got out from under the tarp, Carl yelled "AH! BRANCH FALLING!" And literally two feet in front of him dropped a good five-foot-long tree branch. Yikes! It was absolutely pouring outside, and once I made it to the van, I was so cold I couldn't stop shaking. To pass some time, Mom started telling some stories that kept us rather entertained--especially with her animation!

We had to deal with two rounds of 70MPH winds, hail, and torrential rains. After the first round we went to see the damage to the campsite, and at first we thought one of our tents had completely blown away. It hadn't, and the stuff inside it was okay--still there, at any rate. Then round two hit, and we ran for shelter again. Finally, around 5:30 or so it cleared up enough for us to start hauling stuff out to dry, and packing up what we could. We called a friend who brought their truck so we could just throw all our wet stuff in the bed and haul it home that way.

We could have put out a forest fire with all the water we wrung out from the stuff inside the tents.
See how the top half of the tree is missing?
Here's a better view...
Yeah it should have landed on our tent--actually, on my bed. All I can say is that we serve a God who is mighty to save.
This would be Lisbon...
Or what's left of it.


I daresay it's a dead end.

This was only about 15 miles from where we were camping. Like I said, we have an amazing God.

So after getting through Wednesday on 2 hours of sleep, we decided to take Thursday just to spend time as a family. We went on a good 4-hour picnic and thoroughly enjoyed ourselves.





That would be the dent Carl made in the grill with a baseball.
This last weekend Carl and I headed to the Cities for some fun time together. Little did we know that we were about to encounter yet another adventure! We got to Maple Grove just fine, and then traffic stopped. Literally. Like for 45 minutes we barely moved a mile. Then we got through that, had to take a different route than we had planned on because of construction, and it got worse.
This was our view for an HOUR AND A HALF!
Yeah, we were stuck on 94 for an hour and a half trying because it was closed at 35W. We seriously did not move more than a mile for an hour and a half.

But we did get to see Target Field :)
Word of advice: Do NOT, under ANY circumstances, take 94 or 35W in the heart of the Cities any time soon. BAD life choice.

Though I must admit that skyline is my absolute favorite view of anything in the world.
Enjoying the ride back home.

Okay, so maybe I was a little bored. :)


That kinda sums up the last few weeks of my life. The closer I get to August, the more anxious I get for it to just be here. Most of you know this already, but I was accepted into the nursing program at NDSU, which has been pretty exciting. So I'm gearing up for the next three years of torture--I mean, learning. :P Yeah, that's it; learning. :) No, I'm really excited, and I am so happy that a number of my friends got in too--lots of sweet Christian girls all in the same class.
I don't know what else to say, except that maybe next time I shouldn't wait so long before updating. :) Prayer for wisdom and endurance in the coming weeks would be much appreciated.

6.28.2010

On the road again!

This last weekend we traveled to Milwaukee to see my cousin get married. It was really good to be there for her and be a part of the special day, but over 22 hours in the car over a three-day period was rather ridiculous--I am SO tired of traveling.
While we were there we got to go see Lake Michigan, so here are some pretty good pictures from that--if I do say so myself. :)








6.13.2010

Summer so far

I guess I don't really know what to say as far as actually updating. School's been out for about a month, and summer is going soo slllloowwly for me. I am so ready for it to be fall it's not even funny. Not necessarily to go back to homework and classes (though to be honest I'm ready for that too), but just to be back on campus and WITH people.
But it has been good to be with my family again. Speaking of which. My brothers totally rocked their music and chess stuff this spring. They did very well at the state chess tournament, and both did amazingly well in their piano competitions. And it was Robbie's first year competing too!
Last week we were in Nashville for a cousin's high school graduation, which made for a really LONG road trip. Especially with road construction. But there was some fun involved too. And yesterday one of my good friends and small group leader got married! So that was really sweet to go to.
Other than that, I've pretty much just been putting in lots of hours at the daycare and hanging out as much as possible. And very impatiently waiting for the end of August to get here.

Cousins!

Mary & Tyler


Go here for more pictures.

5.31.2010

It’s not my job

As two station workers enjoyed their lunch break in the sun, the peaceful silence was broken by terrified screams and frantic running. "THE TRAIN'S COMING!" The hysterical twelve-year-old nearly toppled over the workers as he tried to gain action out of them. One of them glanced disinterestedly at him and asked "Yeah, so what?" The boy was confused and frustrated at their lack of response. "SO, THE BRIDGE IS UP! They'll crash into the river if you don't put it down!" The man shrugged. "Not my job." The boy stared at him in disbelief, then turned to the man next to him. "Please help," he begged. "They'll DIE if the bridge isn't put down!" The second man was even less interested. "Go run along, kid. You obviously have no idea how the company works. It's not my job." The boy turned away, then watched in horror and anguish as the train sailed into thin air, then plummeted into the icy waters below.

So tell me, should these workers be fired from their jobs? "What!?" you gasp. "Fired!? They should be arrested and prosecuted to the full extent of the law! They were responsible for hundreds of deaths!" Ah, but remember, dealing with the bridge wasn't part of their job title. "So what?" you stare at me in disbelief. "It doesn't matter what your position says; it's ALWAYS your job to protect others, especially when it comes to working in an area you are very familiar with." Good, so we agree on that.

But what if I looked you in the eyes and said that you were just like those workers? "Excuse me?" you ask incredulously. "I would never endanger someone's life like that; let alone hundreds of them!" But tell me, how many times do you walk by someone without caring that their soul is standing on the precipice of eternity; that they are one small fall (or jump) away from the fiery gates of hell? How often has someone come to me seeking God's love and redemption, and I turned away? How many times have we sent them to the pastor, the counselor, whatever, because "It's not my job."?

The fact of the matter is that it's not the pastor's job to do the work of the ministry (i.e. witness to people, share the gospel, make disciples, etc). It's our job. It is the job of the pastor to prepare us to do so. Jesus calls everyone to make disciples. That's the reason we're here. Because by bringing people to the saving knowledge of Jesus Christ, His glory increases. And bringing glory to God is the sole purpose of every human being. (I should clarify something here. I'm not saying pastors aren't called to share the gospel and make disciples. They have that same calling just like every other believer. My point here is that we are way too quick to shove that job off solely on the shoulders of the pastor, when really it's almost the other way around. They disciple us and train us so we can go out and minister effectively.)

"But," you might protest. "I'm not ready. I don't know what I'm doing when it comes to discipling! What if I mess up?" Let me be perfectly honest: You will never be ready. Ever. Not on your own. But that's how it should be; we can do nothing on our own. We must rely completely on Jesus to work through us. We don't create the results, we are simply asked to be obedient and let Him do the work through us. And the more you do it, the better it'll get, and the more comfortable you'll be. Trust me, your coaches weren't kidding when they said "Practice makes perfect."

We all fall and make mistakes. We're human after all. But do you really think God is going to get tripped up over your little mistakes? I don't know about you, but the God I serve is so infinitely bigger than me and my failures that He can and does work in spite of me. Failing is not a reason to quit. Like it or not, and whether your "title" says so or not, it is your job to shine God's light in the darkness.

Matthew 28:18-20

"Jesus came and spoke to them saying, 'All authority has been given to Me in heaven and earth. Go therefore and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit, teaching them to observe all I have commanded you; and lo, I am with you always, even to the end of the age.'"

5.20.2010

How do you know?

When you strip everything else away, life really comes down to this question. Many ignore it; others run in circles around it; still others stand stock still and stare it straight in the eyes. Regardless, every one of us must answer that question for ourselves.

How do you know?

You can pretend it doesn't exist; you can shrug it off and pretend it doesn't matter. But the whispers will follow you. Those questions that drive you to sleepless nights and instill uneasiness within you will surely test you to the very core of your being. With those whispers comes the knowledge, "It does matter." It is the question that distinguishes between those who walk in authority and those who simply want an easy life. If you truly know, you stand on a solid rock. If not, you will be tossed and driven by every wave of the sea. "If the foundations are destroyed, what can the righteous do?"

How do you know?

You can try to argue your way over it. After all, logic trumps everything else, right? Prove your opponent wrong in an intellectual debate and you will have triumphed over the question. Execute such a powerful blow that you stand in complete control.

But how do you know?

All the intellect in the world won't change your heart. My mind tells me it's not logical to step in front of the barrel of a gun; yet my heart refuses to allow me to stand by and watch another die. I can argue that standing up for what I believe is only going to get me in trouble; but deep within me I cannot keep silent while my Lord is mocked. You can argue with a lost soul and try to logic your way into convincing him to turn to Jesus, but until the Holy Spirit convicts their soul, repentance won't be sincere.

So how do you know?

Logic isn't the basis of my life. Faith is. Faith is the basis of every life, whether you are a Christian or an atheist, or anything in between. Whichever side you're on, you could try to logic your way into proving me wrong; that God does or does not exist, that creation is true or false, that Jesus was or was not the Messiah. But when it comes down to it, science can't truly answer that question. Sure, the evidence can (and does) point to one answer over another, but you still accept that answer by faith.

Logic points you to the answer, but faith gives you the certainty. Logic says that for every creation there must be a Creator; faith whispers of the unshakable Hope we have in Him. Science tells us that the earth is young, and that life only arises from life; faith shouts the love of the One who made the birds sing of His glory.

When the storm is raging within me, and the ugly beast is screaming "HOW DO YOU KNOW!?" intellect is not going to answer it. I know because I have seen the hand of God. I know because I have seen His power in those around me. I know because I've seen Him working in the midst of the most trying circumstances. I KNOW, because I have felt His transforming power within the very depths of my soul. No other name can ignite such a response from every living creature. No other name binds the devils with chains that won't let go; no other name brings healing power to all who call upon it; no other name can bring peace in the midst of uncertainty; for there is NO OTHER NAME under heaven given to men by which they can be saved. I know my Jesus is the only way because only Truth can be so resilient as to keep burning even when the seas try to drown it out.

I know because of what He has done in my life. I overcome by the Blood of the Lamb, and the word of my testimony, and that I love not my life even unto death. But think about it; the word of my testimony. Our worst error would be to take up a logical argument against this question. If you succumb to arguing, you've already lost, for it is simply the more eloquent, well-put-together side that will win. You can argue with someone on what position they "should" take, but you can't argue with experience. You can't argue the fact that Jesus Christ delivered someone from drugs when nothing else did. You can't argue against the man whose family was self-destructing before the power of God rescued them. You can't argue the fact that faith in Jesus Christ takes away fear and gives confidence and joy.

So what then? Should we just forget about forming a logical, thought-out defense against the question? Absolutely not! Peter and Paul both remind us to be prepared at all times to give a defense. That intellectual processing not only prepares us to "poke holes" into the arguments of the enemy, but also solidifies what we already know in our souls to be true. It can create questions within the lost and, like a compass, point them in the right direction. It gives us confidence in the stance we take. We just need to remember that it's not the foundation of our lives; God-given faith in Jesus Christ is.

Love is not logical. I don't care what you say or think or how you might try to explain it to me; love is NOT logical. Why should a holy and just and perfect and all-powerful God choose to create us? Why would He send His Son to reconcile us to Himself even while we are still horrifyingly and wretchedly sinful? It doesn't make sense. Sure, the legalities of the sacrifice make sense, but WHY? What would motivate One to pour out His undying love in such a manner, toward such a people?

I don't have the answer to that question; but now I will pose this one: If our great Jehovah loves with an illogical love, why do we try to base our lives on logic instead? It is only when we place our confidence in His amazing, unfailing, yet absurd love and grace, that the rest of life—the rest of His wondrous ways—begin to make sense.

5.15.2010

School’s out . . .

. . . I'm sick, and bored out of my mind. =]

Latest you stayed up in the past week?
Umm... 3?

Where are you right now?
My room.

Are you listening to music right now?
Yep. Always.

Today was it a boy or a girl to text you first today?
Didn't get any texts today.

Do you curse in front of your parents?
Never. They'd probably disown me...

What would you do if your best friend told you they were moving?
Cry. Like I will when my friends do move this fall. =[

Where is your mom right now?
No idea.

When was the last time you felt unbearably guilty?

Uh . . . no clue.

Are you bored?
A bit. Kinda why I'm doing this.

The last person you talked to on aim?
Um, on Facebook, Audra.

Can you play guitar hero?
Definitely NOT.

Do you prefer warm or cold weather?
WARM.

What do you currently hear right now?
"Hosanna" by Hillsong

Three days in a hotel or NFL game tickets?
Three days in a hotel, preferably near some form of amusement.

How old do you think you will be when you finally have kids?
20's, I hope.

Would you rather watch football or baseball?
Football if it's my bro playing. Otherwise baseball.

Three things you did today:
Started a C.S. Lewis book.

Wasted way too much time on youtube.
Played piano.

Have you ever fell asleep in someone's arms?
Yesssssss. =]

Does anyone hate you?
Probably.

Do you believe everyone deserves a second chance?
Yes. Anyone can change.

Do you want a small or big wedding?
I'm sure it'll be big. I know too many people. =] j/k

Who was the last girl you talked to?
Um… Lib?

What is your favorite thing to wear?
Jeans.

Last thing you ate?
Don't remember.

Name one thing that scares you.
Failure.

I say Shotgun, you say..?
Turkey

What were you doing at 7:00am?
Sleeping.

Last person you hugged?
Ah… I don't remember… maybe Emily?

Have you ever driven without a license?
Yeah... oops…

The last place you went out to dinner?
Golden Corral.

Do you like your name?
Yeah.

Do you download music?
Yes.

Do you care if your socks are dirty?
YES.

Do you love anyone?
I do.

Whose bed did you sleep in last night?
My own.

Have you ever bungee jumped?
No...

Have you ever gone white-water rafting?
I WISH! Someday…

How is the weather right now?
Don't know; I've been inside all day. It's sunny though.

What are you listening to right now?
"Worthy is the Lamb" by Hillsong

What is your current favorite song?
Too many...
Maybe... at this very second… yeah, I have no idea.

Well "Cannons" by Phil Wickham and "Lead me to the Cross" by Hillsong rank way up there.


What was the last movie you watched?
A Walk To Remember

Do you wear contacts?
Yepperz.

Where was the last place you went besides your house?
Stevens. *Shudder*

What's one thing you've learned this year?
Don't eat polar bear liver; you'll die.

Ever had someone sing to you?
Yes.

Have you ever fired a gun?
Of course!

Are you missing someone?
Quite a few people.

Favorite TV show?
Don't have time for TV.

Who would you like to see right now?
Friends down in the Cities.

Have you ever been caught doing something you weren't suppose to?
Not recently. I'm stealthy! =]

Ever been in a cop car in real life?
Nope.

Has anyone you were really close to passed away recently?
What's recently? Within the past month, no. Three months, yes.

What's something that really bugs you?
People who act like they can play the piano but fail miserably. (Okay, I should clarify. Thursday some friends and I were in the Union studying and someone kept trying to play these songs that I happen to love, but they couldn't play them to save their life. Seriously, just go to a practice room in the Fine Arts Center if you want to play that badly. Don't torture the rest of us.)

Favorite college football team?
Bison!

Ever call a 1-900 phone number?
No...

What's the longest time you've gone without sleep?
oh… I don't know. A LONG time at camp, let me tell you.

Where is the weirdest place you have slept?
On the stage in the church.

What's the closest orange object to you?
"Mere Christianity" book by C.S. Lewis

What school will you graduate from?
NDSU.

What could you not tolerate, someone who snores or a sleep walker?
Sleep walking. Snoring doesn't usually bother me.

Would you ever parachute off of a plane?
O heck yes.

Have you ever ridden an elephant?
No.

What are you saving your money up for right now?
College. =]

Can you read other people's expressions?
Yep. Even when they're trying to hide them.

When was the last time something really bothered you?
My Nutrition final… grrr.

Have you ever stayed in a hotel?
Of course.

How did you feel when you woke up today?
Better than yesterday.

The last song you listened to?
"You are Good" by Jeff Deyo

Who was the last person you talked to on the telephone?
Lib

If you could change your eye color would you?
Nope

Last phone call received?
Lib

Who did you last get into a big argument with?
Probably my brother.

Have you ever had a really big fight with a best friend?
When I was a kid, all the time.

What are you excited about?
THIS FALL.

Is your current hair color your natural hair color?
Yep.

What was the last song you sang out loud?
"Fairest"

What time did you go to bed last night?
11:30

Have you changed this year?
So much.


Are you any good at math?
Decent.

Have you ever been awake for 48 hours straight?
Probably pretty close at camp.

What did you do two nights ago?
Took my last final and CRASHED in bed.

Are any of your great-grandparents still alive?
No.

Did you get a full 8 hours of sleep last night?
Yep… first time in over two weeks.

Have you ever been taken to the emergency room in an ambulance?
Nope- only in cars.

Have you ever been arrested?
Heh noo.

How has this week been?
Awful.

Why did you last laugh really hard?
Alyssa and Lib and I were "studying" for Biochem… yeah, let's just leave it at that.

Do you have a best friend?
Several. =]

What are you listening to?
"Soul Cry" by Misty Edwards (yes, that's the ?th song I've listed… I'm bored)

Do you wear the hood on your hoodie?
Yesss.

Who is your number 2?
Number 2? Wha?

Do you know anyone that smokes pot?
Unfortunately, I probably do.

What is the worst thing about hugs?
Nothing! I love hugs.

If you could hug anyone right now, who would it be?
Any of my friends. Particularly my small group girlies. =]

Were you happy when you woke up today?
Not really.

Do you make every decision as if your parents are watching you?
Haha no.

When is the last time you talked to your grandma?
Um… I don't know. A few weeks ago.

Do you crack your knuckles?
ALL the time.

Where is your phone?
Right next to my computer.

5.04.2010

Finals

Well finals week is just around the corner, and I can already feel the stress piling on. It's a rather emotional time as well; tonight's my last small group, Thursday is the last Chi Alpha of the year, and these are the last days I'll spend with my campus family before saying goodbye to many of them until the fall. And some of them I'll be saying goodbye to not knowing when I'll see them again.
Dead week has already been challenging, and it's only Tuesday; but I am determined that instead of giving into the name, I am going to turn the tides and proclaim LIFE through Jesus.I'd really appreciate prayers as these last 219 hours of school wind down (not that I'm counting or anything . . . ). Prayer for health for all of us would be the biggest priority. And that the studying would be productive, tests would go well; but most of all, that through it all we would continue to shine God's light in the midst of the darkness. With all the stress of school, it's more important now than ever before to be focused on eternity, not the here and now.



Oh, and one more thing . . . it's Robbie's 14th birthday today! Happy birthday bro! I love you!

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4.30.2010

Quote of the week

"If you don't desire to meet the devil during the day, meet Jesus before dawn. If you don't want the devil to hit you, hit him first, and hit him with all your might, so that he may be to crippled to hit back."
~C.T. Studd

4.24.2010

Baseball fever

I'm suffering quite terribly from it right now. :)